I think even Ryan Seacrest is disgusted with the thought of Ryan Seacrest getting some.
So, do you ever feel like EVERY SINGLE ONE OF YOUR FRIENDS IS INVOLVED IN A MASSIVE AND INTRICATE CONSPIRACY TO COCKBLOCK YOU AT ALL COSTS?
The dumpster is full of naked people swimming. I'm going to join.
Now that I'm single, I like to think of myself as in a relationship with Taco Bell.
Well... He is a good looking man underneath all the fat and muff.
You asked me to text you at 11 and remind you that he's 33. It's 11:20. He's 33.
you're too late. he has eggnog and whiskey and all seven seasons of buffy. I shan't be coming home tonight
I just watched Matt try to put on a pillowcase thinking it was a t-shirt.
I don't get it. Why have babies when you can have vodka?
Jessica just ate her lipstick. That's how the night is going
Rumor has it that you want to bring me soup in exchange for a blow job.
It must have been good head...he put down the Xbox controller
Did I wash my face last night at your house? Where did my eyebrows go??
Do you think he’ll fall in love with me if I tell him I have a nickname for his penis
yes we're having sex but I'm texting you...so what does that tell you?
So I lost my dignity between the strip club and your penis...
Randomize
