At least I can take solace in the fact that with 8 billion some odd people in the world, at least one of them is shitting in their own car right now.
last night some bitch put bruce along with his entire fishbowl in her purse and tried to leave. how drunk do you have to be to steal someone's pet??
im sitting in my room wearing my power rangers shirt watching a movie about a magical dragon. Ive totally forgotten what having a sex life is like.
was it good sex?
i mean it was good for how drunk we were. and for how big the closet was
I know. I need to get a vagina tranquilizer.
Im done having sex . he ruined it for me after he said " can we use my penis as a shovel ?"
I confess. I just downed the bottle of saki. And I'm singing phantom of the opera to the dogs. Be glad you're not here for the high notes.
I only had ten dollars. So leave it to Katie to somehow makeout with the bartender, on his shift mind you, and get free drinks.
Duuuude someone spilled hot sauce all over the floor and trailing outside wtf
OH GOD IT'S BLOOD. THIS IS ALOT OF BLOOD.
I asked her how many times she came and she said "Oh god I can't count that high, Rutgers doesn't teach us that."
Is there a classy way to tell him that to thank him for his service I would like to put his dick in my mouth?
"Happy Veterans Day! Now pull down your pants."
No. There is no way we have to stoop so low as to ask your dad for weed. There has to be an alternative.
I have to tell him to stop eating me out so I'm not late for work; my life could be a lot worse.
If I get back to the house before you, I'm setting up the swing. If you get there before me, it's chains and cuffs.
i still cant feel my toes or walk straight...its been 2 days.
Randomize
