bahahahaha i would laugh soo hard if someone did this for me hahahaha this guy would become my best friend
i just sent my parents are gone come over I have condoms to my mom because Derek changed my numbers while I was passed out
the EMT asked how you broke your nose and you said, "you know, the usual wear and tear."
This could be one of the worst things i've done... The background of her phone is her and her boyfriend.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
just found a bag of Oreos in my purse labeled "emergency".
Make puking fun. Chug half a monster right before you blow. Throw up foam. Most unique experience ever.
Ahahhahaha I'm not that stupid but then again I thought cabo was in Africa until yesterday
Just come get me. Somewhere there's hobo that's going to want his dumpster back, and I kinda want to be gone when he discovers the vomit.
Oh were you the stripper at that club last Sunday when i was trippin on acid wearing a giraffe outfit?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i just hope we're both dead or in prison at the same time
Something must have happened, they started yelling truffle butter and you said we needed to leave NOW
What's the best day of the week to potentially find out you're pregnant with your ex's baby?
Last night a drunk chick tried to lick me. If you are trying to lick the zombies, you are too drunk for the haunted house.
I refuse to take any type of advice let alone love advice from a motherfucker who is missing 3 fingers from a Fucked up masturbating accident.
Is she talking about a testicle cuff or just a cock ring? How did you meet this girl?
Is there a big difference?
It’s about the same as the difference between a night of drunken sex with a stripper at the Bellagio and being robbed and left for dead by a crystal meth tweaker
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