areee we human. . .oorrr areee we dancerssssss?!
you srsly need to quit going to that bar
she was wearing a cheetah print one-piece and i slept with her anyway. big mistake.
There is a strange man mowing my lawn. Best day ever.
i just had sex bonerless
then she made me sanitize my hands before fingering her...i may have found my soulmate
whats a positive sounding word for "exploit"?
I always know the weekend is over when the real license comes out and the fake goes back into the hiding spot.
I incognito puked under the VIP table. Did Jersey proud.
Then he wanted a handjob in the car. While my cousin was driving. To krispy kreme. And there was someone else in the backseat.
Jesus...So southern.
This is davidson friend mat i an drunk. Thank you for having a physical relationship. With David. I bet he gas a penis the size of an elephant tusk. You are a lucky lady.
If I ever mention marriage force me to Brazil to do coke and strippers until I die.
I am going to buy some m-80's and keep a bucket of them in the bathroom. That way I can just depth charge the toilet before each time I use it. Lets see how those snakes like cheap Chinese explosives
My roommate fed me my birth control pill while I was hungover laying on the couch so that's how my morning has been
If you can endure a laser on the butthole, you can endure a wax on the butthole. Those are words to live by.
You know you're old when you’re masturbating and you pull your hip
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