The walk of shame is so much worse when you've spent the night third wheeling.
so..some girl walked up to me on the porch last night. She came to apologize for peeing on our lawn a few days ago. I just looked at her and said it was ok, she wasn't the first.
you came in and threw goldfish on our blue carpet and screamed SWIM BITCHES and then made me drink a best friends potion with you
He's a good guy, we stopped by his old church.
And you didn't burst into flames?
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Nothing says "get your life together" better than waking up in a tub full of your own vomit. Twice. In one night.
Had a farmer come into my class to talk to us today. He apparently met his wife on fb and just thanked jesus for his land. I think I am in the wrong major...
I have an odd instinct I wont find my underwear tonight
He legit pounded my cooking wine, because he was to cheap to buy beer. He is so not getting any.
I mean, I can get to know him eventually. The time frame doesn't really matter. I'll have sex with him regardless of whether he's interesting or not.
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The effect you have on my penis from a different state is impressive
Oh and apparently something happened that was related to "THIS IS SPARTA" but no one will tell me what I did.
So I'm going to blame my boobs hurting on that.
You insisted that your middle name was "velociraptor" for 20 minutes and every time someone said something you tried to relate it to velociraptors. That kind of drunk.
I need to stop agreeing to hang out with people when I'm drunk.
She texted me this morning asking why all of her house pillows were inside her mini-van.
So thats where i built my buckingham palace
Just got home from work. I'm going to change into sweats for a while before I have to wear normal pants to the party like I promised.
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