I'll just stay a virgin forever then
You still have to go anyway
Then I guess I'll have to start sleeping around
I can't find my pants or my car
I didn't even hookup I think I took them off at taco bell...
ha omg I always lose my dignity at taco bell as well... so no big deal.
I think need to divide my DVD collection into "movies I've seen" and "movies I've only seen during sex"
Im going home to examine my vagina with a hand mirror. wish me luck.
It's horrible of you to say your above all this when the bar uses your drunk picture to scare people.
Hey wes just called me saying he was asleep outside by the pond at my apt complex
I can't believe that 100lb chick tackled me through a flight of stairs
I'm mad at him and disappointed with you. It's like I put a bunch of effort into a PowerPoint of "what not to do with Zach" to show you and the first bullet point was "do not love him" and you're just disregarding all my effort and friendship.
I have to make mistakes myself to learn from them
FUCK YOU I AM MAKING A POWERPOINT
Sometimes crazy just comes naturally. I don't need booze to say that on occasion I feel the need to rip off my asshole and throw it against the fridge to see if it sticks.
All I really remember is thinking that the music looked like beautiful lizard waves in my head
Thank you for FINALLY joining the Slutasorus Rex club in this conversation.
I just took what could be the most awkward shit in my life, which considering my definition of awkward and my experiences shitting, is pretty fucking awkward.
...
I was sitting there doing my business and the guy in the stall next to me banged on the stall and asked me how to spell picnic because he wasn't sure.
I am going to piss jack daniels before daylight.
Daylight. It is daylight. Who will give you a ride back?
I hope no one. I want to walk and have a bus hit me.
Something about the fact that I could do coke off her ass cheeks just speaks to me
And on the first day of my adult job, I matched with one of my co workers on tinder...
Randomize
