I had to puke in a pizza box on the drive home. People saw.
Drinking wine. Reading twilight. On a Friday night. Biggest loser contest. First Place.
I really gotta be careful. My email inbox is equal parts notifications from instructors and this dude's dick. If I get drunk and reply to the wrong thing I might get kicked out of grad school.
I was masturbating in my bed this morning when my ipod alarm went off and it started playing "show me the meaning of being lonely"
Unemployment check just came in. As soon as I stop pretending I have morals I'm buying weed. Puff puff pass uncle sam.
Went home drunk last night and peed on my Christmas tree, my mothers going to fucking kill me
Woke up this morning with Nerf Bullets stuck to everything in my house and nut in my belly button. What exactly happened last night?
One of your snapchats was of you with a 40oz of Mickeys and the caption: "Deep Throat back in her natural habitat"
I think we've gotten passed awkward... the day I woke up at the palms and ur getting eaten out by the dude who just fucked me on the balcony.
I just want to meet a nice normal guy that doesn't want me to taze him while we have sex. . . . .is that too much to ask for?
I volunteer to be the person who breaks into the room and runs around naked and has to be escorted out by police.
Cum just came out of my nose. That is all.
What part of the grouping of the words "anal beads" confuses you?
Dude, the worst part is I can't even pretend it didn't happen because she posted a video of it on Facebook.
Starting to realize that fucking everyone I come across isn't the most... "adult"... coping method.
Randomize
