Umm went to talk to a client ended up seeing his semi erect penis. This is my life.
So... My dad just saw the Plan B package and the beer cans in my backseat.
Oh its cool I'm sure he already knows you're a whore and an alcoholic.
I told her Billy Mays couldn't convince me to sleep with her
you made me watch la bamba, and then you yelled at me for disrespecting your mexican heritage.
Lauren will drop me off I'll be drunk ride you for a little bit and then you can go to sleep
sorry. that wasn't for you
She helped me organize my comics and then blew me. This is the one.
college "breaks" should be renamed "reminder why you left your hell hole of a life in the first place"
Well hey if hot cowboys are involved then all bets are off.
i think you broke pat's ankle when you drove over it... he's freaking out but on a more serious note i'm 99% sure i saw a werewolf
You're so wise. You're like my sexual Grandmother Willow.
I came out, you were peeing on the car and when I asked why you said it deserved it because its a rental
accidentally stumbled into a construction site at 3am on the way home. The bulldozer was locked so we had to settle for rerouting traffic with all the orange cones...
But he's not just anonymous male genitalia anymore. I've met him, I've seen his face.
i think you may have a shot to cock block in a moment. just saying.
Wake up an cock block please bc these are noises i dont ever want to hear again
I thought my sex drive was gone but let me tell you it is back with a vengeance
Randomize
