he climbed up to our party on the 2nd floor balcony and then pulled a glass mug and a beer from his knapsack. these freshmen are intense
Def drinking wine from a 4 liter jug at 11 am. If i call you in 20 years talking about 12 steps, please trace is back to this moment.
I made out with Jen. We were naked. I'm still gay. Forever
The last thing I remember is ordering two Martinis while yelling 'CAN YOU PUT THAT IN ONE GLASS?'
I'm also 95% sure I had a conversation with someone on how hard it would be to jerk off with out opposable thumbs
It's not really that big. Girls just think it feels big. It's a cocktical illusion.
It's now 8:05 on a Wednesday night and I'm already going home with my bra in my purse.
I told him I liked how shrimp feels in my mouth, but I don't actually like eating it. Turned out to be the most awkward way to say that I wanted to suck his dick.
Do you have paint?
Paint? I wish
OMG WHAT ARE YOU DOING
I'm not saying I haven't been that drunk. I'm just saying I haven't been that drunk and then have cops buy me shots.
Tony's mom to him at breakfast: "I found the shirt you wore last night in the bushes this morning."
My dad found my bra hanging from my rear view mirror. Happy long weekend.
Tomorrow we start training our livers for St.Patrick's day. May God be with us.
Cookies and nudity, all you need in life
“On a break” is implied when it’s a Russian chick dressed as Black Widow wearing Minnie Mouse ears
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