Getting stoned and going to costco. If i'm not back by dawn, you know what to do.
Places you have drunkenly threatened to piss: my bed, my bros bed, my moms bed, my bros wedding
i told them to call me paula dean as i was making all 10 for $10 boxes of pizza rolls in the microwave
So hungover. Sitting in class about to puke during this ladys flute performance. Not sure why were having a flute concert in biology
How bad is it if you swallow a really small piece of glass? Be optimistic if possible I'm anxious about it.
Just put an ad on Craigslist for a fake groom... I'm sure only non creepy sane people will respond to it
He got up when I started trying to balance my wine glass on his head.
She was a little hefty, so I turned on the strobe light in our room. Everything looks better with a strobe light.
Do you think wearing a shirt that says I like penis is too much for tonight?
Mehhh. I just tried to type 'extremely', and it auto corrected to 'creek rot'. IT KNOWS WHAT I LOOK LIKE
Come to find out, there is a place where binge drinking and aggressive head butting is completely appropriate. In a mosh pit, Travis is just a regular dude!
Waking up at a teachers house is a very confusing thing
I know I come to this conclusion on a fairly regular basis but I really do need a babysitter
A German guy asked me to take a bath with him. I can't tell if he's just an eccentric European or a run of the mill creep.
why is there a dog in my house with your initials shaved in it's fur?
dude, i just woke up in a house i've never seen. i have bigger problems
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