So I went on a date with this girl...and whos our waitress? My girlfriend got a second job she didn't tell me about to afford my bday present.
let's just say, the carpet matched the drapes. in colour and length.
He told me they were just razor bumps!
twelve hours since my last beer and i just blew a .08, time to go to the library
his semen tasted like maple syrup. no wonder fat girls always wanna fuck him.
just put an icicle in the bong. best/worst idea ever. i think i can taste global warming right now.
This Xanax laced vodka tonic will help me forget that all these spring breakers are all young enough to have been my students.
I don't know but the stairs are covered in apples
omg i wish you could see the front of my car.
There's literally a dust print of your body and your arm trying to hold on and the other one where your fingers visibly dragged down the hood.
I watched you down those shots like a lion cub watching its mother rip apart a gazelle
At 38 I had to open a Snapchat account to communicate with my 21 yr bf. where is my life going.
At least I got steroids and a baguette out of the deal
Oh god he’s a clown I fucked a rodeo clown
drunk boyfriend and drunk me are NOT meant for each other
And I mentioned the burning debate about your circumcision in my Christmas card to your mom.
Randomize
