guess where i woke up this morning? If you guessed the hospital, you sir are correct.
You were so hammed, you asked your buddy in Economics to plot a demand curve for Parmesan Cheese.
The magic cards should have been the first clue. The comments that I have "amazing birthing hips" and that I'm "beautiful in a child bearing sort of way just sealed his fate.
just printed out my drug dealers resume for him. guess the ecstasy scene slows down when kids move back home for the summer...
I'm posted up in the bathroom at au bon pain, high as balls, experimenting with eyeshadow combinations and listening to 90s jlo. The girl in the stall next to me just plopped a big one and I laughed, hope I ruined her day
I just watch that 70s show all day and blaze whenever they do. It's nice being part of the circle
Come in your red robin gear. If you smell like French fries we can make love.
she pretty much pinned my hand to her boob "on accident" for like 10 seconds before she moved. Waiting the rest of the night was just a formality.
But yesterday I literally met half his family buzzed wearing a cheeta print bathing suit super short shorts and a tiny tank top.. I was like awesome
I feel like it went downhill once I decided we should take $100 tequila shots.. oops lol
There were 7 of us cowering in the kitchen because you were swinging a giant, pink double headed dildo around like a nunchuk and hitting anyone who came near you with it.
Moral of the story: fuckboys never change
Blow Jobs and the Patriots Playing I think I’m going to marry her
holy f. i broke my toe giving him head. how does that even happen!?
If you think I'm going to drive 5.5 hours just to bang a guy, you'd be absolutely right.
Randomize
