Thats the last time I go out drinking with my Irish friends. Two shots of flaming sambucca = bar on fire. I was only trying to high five the barman.
I just mistook a monk for someone with the newest colored snuggie.
I don't think you have the libido for two women at the same time
I think you underestimate the amount of time spent masturbating
It was either a cute kinda butch tomgirl or a really fem guy. Either way, I made out with it. Bisexuality, my best friend.
You know i think she's just using me for sex
I hate you.
she wouldn't stop crying, so we sang her to sleep. i'm guessing you will find her in the same position by the toilet in the morning. night.
I saw him coke blaxckout on the subway at 9 this morning yelling at people callig himself the gatekeeper.
I gotta shower this stuff off me I'm starting to hear baby kittens in the toilet tank again..
I want to buy her liposuction. And a spot on What Not To Wear. And a face transplant.
I feel like the fact that I slept with someone who dresses up like Batman a few times will never be lived down.
All I'm saying is the next time I see him naked, there better be something in it for me that doesn't end in bailing him out of jail.
A stranger came up to me, pointed at my drink and asked what it tasted like and proceeded to chug half of it and then walked away.
He invited to drink but spelled forties wrong so no thx
Would you think less of me if I said I was eating a toaster strudel in the bath.
Woke up in the hospital naked with my id's taped to my chest. Also apparently puked on two guys, two girls and an escalade (at the same time). Good night.
Randomize
