why im i the only drunk person in the library?
please don't call me when you're wasted. i don't feel like having any other future arguments at 3:18am about how to hang up your phone. you have a flip phone, you should know regardless of how fucked up you are.
I wasn't interested in him...but then he played The Office theme song on acoustic guitar. I'm sorry.
she crawled under her car and passed out. Unfortunately her feet were sticking out and someone called 911 because they thought she had been run over.
It's like a party bus, but there's a glass, airtight wall separating the driver from the passengers, and once everyone's on, they pump vaporized THC into the cabin.
We are smoking a hash blunt ... Bring your emergency inhaler
You need to simmer down or I'm going to buy you a labia leash.
No. I heard a cover of "my heart will go on". This is not sanity.
You can wear my underwear. It'll be like old times.
You described pouring milk in your strawberry cereal as a glittering magnificent water fall, skimming over the mountain and little strawberry citizens.
I mean I've seen her tits but I don't know what her voice sounds like
You said too many real things and now I need to crawl back inside my protective fort of sarcasm, being an asshole, and sass
that awkward moment when you use blowjob jokes as a segue into coming out as bi
Dude we just exchanged Zelda related pickup lines. I fell in love at "you can blow on my ocarina"
She stood up through my sunroof the entire drive home. screaming her ass off and singing free falling..
Randomize
