she made my bed before she left. i think i'm gonna keep banging her to get the housework done
For future reference, a lint roller appears to be the easiest way to get glitter out of a beard.
I wanna tell red shirt guy I'm pregnant and use the abortion money for Coachella.
Hey is it bad when your boss leans over your desk and tells you "you smell like the Rainforest Cafe"??
i should have probably stopped drinking when my beer pong shots were hitting the other team in the face..
yeah thats usually a good indication.
You called me at 4am shouting drunk shit about Poland and asking me to 'come out and play.' Where the fuck were you?
Poland
I knew it would get worse when I said I think your roommate is watching and he looked over at him and said ... So?
The token old dude at the show tried hitting on us by telling us his favorite rapper was Cayenne West.
I am not working on the very first day I can throw up alcohol that I legally bought and drank.
Getting "I couldn't find the front door so I climbed in through window" drunk seems to be a habit of yours
All I've done is masturbate and drink while being home from college.
That was the first time I ever heard of a female getting road head while driving... thanks for the memory and making me happy ending..
I have alotted at least an hour for ugly crying.
Where is Holly?
Nevermind. i can hear her having sex two doors down
This toilet bowl is my home.
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