What drug did you take that made the cabinets scream at you?
I was wrong being drunk doesn't make accounting more interesting
you took him to the bathroom with you to pee and told him he had to hold your hand..but he couldn't turn on the lights because you didnt want him to hear you peeing..and still got laid. i wish i had your life.
I cant believe she fell for the mistletoe belt AGAIN.
composition of my stomach right now: 60% C8H10N4O2 * H2O (coffee), 20% CaCO3 (pepto bismol/tums), 10% HCl (stomach acid), 5% fried rice, 5% residual adderall. i can do that by percent mass too. fuck you finals.
We picked up some guys dressed as shamrocks at taco bell. I will text you with further information.
Remember that time we got drunk tomorrow
Yaaaayyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyy! It has more than one y so my intentions to sleep with you after the drink special ends are clear
Do you have any idea how hard it is to iphone keyboard type "roflcopter" when intoxicated?
We could have a classy candlelight sonic dinner with fireball cocktails if you leave now. Twat tickler centerpieces.
You have not lived until you've had your brains fucked out on a broken down Tunnel of Love ride. Life is good.
I just matched with a taco on tinder. Dreams come true.
It's official: I now only own one pair of jeans that I haven't blown the crotch out of. It might be time to put a stop to red wine Wednesdays.
You mean, in addition to red wine every-fucking-days?
I kept falling all over the place and yelled at the bouncer you can't kick me out I'm from Texas.
may or may not have entered into a gay civil rights discussion with 6 year olds. Hint: I did.
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