Go to google and type XXX
.......Is that how you look for porn?
you refused to leave the drive-thru at mcdonalds until the cashier took a jello shot
I'm so hungover I took Dramamine to help prevent the motion sickness of walking.
My ATM looks so different sober.
You stole a frozen pizza from the freezer, stuffed it in the back of your shirt then proceeded to leave the party.
You thought your socks were broken. They were just inside out.
He rubbed my back afterwards. I forgot how to talk and I legitimately thought I was a cat for a few minutes.
I'm two shots in and wandering around Barnes and Noble with $58 in singles.
Just walked by a girl saying to her friend "honestly you coulda given me any dude and I woulda fucked him"
You should've introduced yourself
Who gets call-your-ex-from-4-years-ago drunk on a Thursday??
He's like a Lana del Rey song that took human form
We had to push you home in an abandoned shopping trolley. You thought you were in a pirate boat and kept yelling "AVAST, ME HEARTIES".
Oh, now I remember why I deleted your number. You're kind of a dick. Please delete mine.
Do you know anything about how the saran wrap ended up on my toilet seat?
Lol. I liked you the most when we were banging random girls and trying to tag team everything. You were happier then.
Randomize
