I decided to follow my clitoris instead of my heart.
how are you gonna miss the world cup? other than the olympics it's our last way to assert our dominance over China after this economic bull shit
We tried to get a ride from the same firefigters that were turning off the fire alarm going off at our house.
She insisted on fucking on the futon mattress on the floor, answered the phone call from her boyfriend who was on his way to pick her up, and then had the audacity to ask if I was clean
As if me making pizza in a skillet wasn't enough proof that I was in no state to be cooking, this burn blister on my hand is
I'm gonna take my bong and hot box the pirate ship in the daycare playground.
I literally used, "MY VAGINA IS TOO FANTASTIC FOR HIM TO STAY GAY" as a valid argument for attempting to fuck my gay friend.
Found my bike today. On top of the garage. I'm not even going to ask myself why.
Lest we forget our veterans. Also that two years ago I lost my virginity on this day in a hot tub. Go me for being the worst person on earth.
I'm not sure if I should be proud of you for having morals or disappointed in you for letting your sex life get this sad.
Just cried because I'm out of oreos. This post-molly depression can go fuck itself.
I just want to braid flowers into his hair and steal all of his pills.
He showed up on school grounds wearing nothing but a suit of armor. Really at this point I'm more impressed than angry.
Tonight’s your last chance for a danger free blowjob.
I deleted your number after I found out you gave my brother head for drugs.
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