it feels like theres a golf ball between my legs. the sex was totally worth it tho.
I swear a good massage is the easiest way in my pants.
Not that there's a hard way... but you know what I mean.
my fraternity brothers just had an intervention for me. i either have a problem or am just on some next-level shit, im gonna go with door number 2
Worst PDA I've ever seen. She even licked the mustard off his mustach
Nothing like all your friends getting engaged to remind you how much fun sleeping around is.
apparently he thought telling me 'the weasel wants to come out to play' would somehow convince me to go down on him
Dear, was it your thong we found wrapped around my hairbrush next to Rachel's bed? Please explain.
She had forties taped to her hands and was trying to give him a hand job while he was passed out, with everyone in the living room.
This is embarrassing but i think i might have left my fake tooth at your house on your night stand.
He asked me if my princess crown was real and before I could say yes, he was already reaching to put it on. I'm pretending I'm asleep if he tries to have sex.
I might have pissed in the corner of someone's shed. They have nice lawn mower.
I traded my pants for a Santa hat last night and it was so worth it.
Then a third Canadian I didn't know showed up to the hotel room at like 3am. I let him sleep in our bed because he had pizza.
I woke up in the basement of a pizza restaurant... I would say the tequila hit me pretty hard.
6 showers laters and I still feel like I have his vomit in my vagina. At least I could help him figure out he's gay.
Randomize
