dude, osama threatened the US again
dude. i slept with your sister last night
what?
I saw that as an opertune moment to drop some big news
We were just about to get down to business and shes like oh the olympics! and jumped up and turned on the tv. cockblocked by freestyle skiing. seriously?
Who won mens moguls?
That canadian guy... bilodeau... but you're missing the point, dude.
i cant text you anymore tonight, God gave me two hands for two cups
I wonder if that one guy remembers you sticking salami to his forehead when he was passed out on new years eve.
I wish I had a "puke in your car" emoticon
Its only fair we share our golden vaginas with the world. It would be selfish if we didn't.
It was smashing those cupcakes into my face that did it. Junk food and I don't mix.
When he sent me a picture, I swear my vag frowned. That tiny.
Can we be in one of those super weird relationships where you carry me around everywhere?
if it looks like there's being an exorcism being performed you know your doing something right.
if i do community service solely to impress a guy, everyone wins, right?
except your soul
I want to sit on top of her nipple mountains and reenact the Ricola commercial.
Can you send me a picture of your dog? I might need to borrow him so I can wear a speedo to a pool party on Friday
Should I rub the neighbors amazon package in the dog shit they left on the front steps?
Im drinking a CAN of bud light at the bar. Do you really think I care anymore?
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