What happened to our ballroom dancing plans
Did you see that girl I got with last night?
Girl? Oh...weird...to be honest Ive always thought you were gay..
let's just say, the carpet matched the drapes. in colour and length.
dont touch anything in my room. If its phallus shaped, i can almost guarantee its been in my vagina.
happy birthday! Any relationship between us is now officially illegal.
The higher i get, the less gay he looks, and the more i want to make out with him. This is dangerous.
There is a full size piano in the middle of our road. Please tell me you had nothing to do with this.
The girl I hooked up with in exchange for Ramen freshmen year is living with the girl I currently wish to bang.
Try oodles of noodles this time.
Why yes actually, getting stoned and reading an AARP magazine IS totally where I wanted my night to end!
currently taking a solo cab to the strip club at 1 in the morning. this is healthy.
speaking of creep .. love how I kept touching strangers faces at the bar ... and saying "Don't worry I'm a dermatologist"
I'm at some strange place in what feels like Mexico, high and getting tacos.
It's 8 in the morning and you're doing coke and drinking margaritas. First, you have a problem. Second, why didn't you invite me?
Do you know how difficult it is to masturbate with Christmas carols stuck in your head?!
Realization: many of my behaviors would lead to me being stoned to death in a lot of foreign countries. God bless America.
Randomize
