I googled "I hate my uterus" just to make sure I wasn't the only one.
My landlord doesn't knock anymore when he shows the apt... So i just had sex in front of a family.
didn't stop?
naw, they were rude, not me.
yeah she was being a bitch. do you remember me stealing ryan cabrerra's beer?!?!
Are we still dressing up as garden gnomes for halloween?
No. I would like to get laid again before I graduate.
you were holding her hair as she threw up saying "I'm going to be a great doctor" repeatedly.
My lack of memory is directly related to being friends with you.
Well hello freshman 15, didn't see you there until I tried on last years summer clothes.
I wish I could put booze in boobs and store it for later. I wouldn't need a flask. For $7000, they should do amazing things like that.
Hey, no judgement here...this is the girl that threw up on a box of kittens at the magician's house
Dude, I fucked her last night with nothing but my bandana on. Like straight Indian chief style.
They tried. Someone started to yell beer shower but he spun around and punched them in the mouth before they even finished saying beer. He's a fast little drunk.
You tried to impress her by kicking the 5th floor button in the elevator, but you ended up kicking everything from 3 to 11. Then you said, "pretty accurate, huh ladies?"
Thanks for taking care of me. I hope I didn't pee in your car.
Is it weird to smoke a bong with a client from work?
ah lol cocaine is strange when I dose I feel like an elephant running through a grocery store
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