everything was goin great until he pulled out his ed hardy lighter and smoked in my face like he was cool.
it's like you attract all the douchebags that nobody wants. people should thank you.
batman tramp stamp. Dibs.
The doctor put me on 3000 mg of amoxicillin a day. Which, for a sinus infection, seems pretty excessive to me.
Maybe he was just trying to knock out any potential ghonorrhea you might be carrying around.
Ah, my reputation precedes me.
i think i recognize dicks better than faces
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We just got really drunk and bought toilet paper. Successful Monday.
Well I woke up with a note on me reading Dear Passed Out Girl, and ending with why I shouldn't drink so much. Damn Tequilla.
I came home to the cats covered in paint and he was asleep in the tub with a firefighters hat on.
If I get laid dressed as one of the McPoyle twins, I deserve all the medals.
I don't know how I'm going to know it's her, I only know what she looks like with a wig on
SHE COULD ALREADY BE HERE AND I WOULDN'T EVEN KNOW
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i had a super strange, mommy/daddy issuestastic, mildly freudian, i-might-as-well-become-a-stripper-now-and-stop-fighting-the-inevitable dream last night :(
He was feeling me up but acting like he was asleep. Like WTF does that mean??
Will Smith has a direct hotline to my emotions
Sitting in a waiting room with 15 children has me contemplating if I ever want to have sex again...
I love how u said nothing about the sidewalk sex but refused shower sex
I did a line off of, and then danced on top of a table older than this country.
Harvard is great.
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