you know whats weird about having a girlfriend....I look forward to masturbating now....sort of like quality me time.
so when she was in the shower, I took a pic of my dick with her phone and sent it to her brother saying, this just fucked your sister
Apparently getting drunk, buying a guitar from your local costco and walking in to an open mic night is not the same as rocking out to guitar hero...
Well let's just say that she ended up trying to get it in with the wheelchair guy, who btw, can get an erection and quickly I might add
At least I tried to be smart when I brought the alarm clock into the bathroom just in case I fell asleep.
The difference between you and me last night was that I didn't remember getting into the cab and you didnt know we were in one.
She said I looked exactly like my dad. Then she made out with me. Should I be questionable?
If for no other reason than to cuddle with that puppy, you have to hook up with him again.
Trying to convince myself that everyone keeps staring at me because I'm pretty and not because of my hickies.
I think the "tmi" ship sailed a long time ago, and it took our dignities with it..
Yeah except my drinking partners aka my parents went to sleep Cuz ya know, they're old.
As if I wouldn't steal Nintendo brand "Mario is my HOMEBOY!" boxers when he gave me the entire drawer to choose from.
I just found out my younger brother has me saved in his contacts as "Womb Primer" and I don't know what to do with this information
WHY DOES MY BOYFRIEND'S BROTHER HAVE TO BE SO FUCKING HOT
Oh, the accent alone guaranteed a bj. It was when he started drunkenly singing in PERFECT PITCH that I knew I was fucking him.
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