She was like a white Oprah, but with less conviction.
I just left during the middle of Chemistry to go throw up in the bathroom....and you laughed at my travel toothbrush.
guy at the corner shop gets out a bottle of tequilla and a pack of malboro light whenever he sees me through the door. makes me feel loved and cared for
please stop yelling "ITS NARNIAAAAAAAAA" out of our window at the lone person walking home in the snow
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Was behind a guy going 20 for 4 miles I'll be there as soon as the universe quits fucking me
My cab driver just started a conversation with "Three years ago I pleaded guilty..." Check on me later tonight please.
My mom asked me if I ever go on dates. I had to suppress the urge to ask if having casual sex with a freshmen counts as dating
so I found out I could dislocate my shoulders on demand while I was trippin on e last night...
Now accepting any stories about my adventures last night, in particular why my knuckles are bleeding.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Company sent me first class out of state, got so drunk on the plane I started handing out pillows and blankets to the people in coach
This guy on tinder just told me that he wanted to tie me up and asked me what I thought. I told him I wanted tacos
Let's celebrate our country being screwed by screwing.
I'm sexting at my family's 4th of July BBQ and I feel no shame....
It's really hard to tweet with a pussy in your face demanding attention.
The same idiot-bubble, now just bigger and louder.
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