basically at this point ill snort whatever you put in front of me and just hope
She just took off her shirt and jumped in the kiddie pool. We're not leaving.
Just found puke on my backpack while sitting in class. It's like this weekend won't leave me alone.
I didn't realize I was holding it, until I was like, "whose baby is this?"
Guy next to me is looking up how to press his own ecstasy pills. I'm going to befriend him and see where this goes
she gave me her number. found out it was already stored in my phone as "bathroom blowjob"
I just saw a dude sitting IN a bush, weeping and playing a harmonica. I hope your day is going better than his.
I'm currently day drinking, studying and making corn. Don't tell me what I can't do.
These fuzzy pants work great for sleeping, taking an exam, getting baked and watching the hobbit. I guess i'm not changing pants for 72 hours.
And if it ever comes down to tax or healthcare benefits we can get married
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
I just ate a raisin that tasted like wine. Is this real life or is this my body trying to tell me it's Friday and I should be drinking right now?
Sara can't come to the phone right now. She's currently having an in-depth conversation with a flower pot.
I woke up with a pube in my teeth...I'm disturbed cause we're both clean shaven
I peed on his bed and he still likes me. #keeper
I’m a little confused...we were told by Cheeto Jesus and his minions multiple times that we would stop hearing about coronavirus the day after the election and, yet, I am still hearing about coronavirus. Is it possible they lied to us again?!?
Randomize
