I can't open my eyes
Lol why not?
Because I have fat ankles and I'm drunk
im sorry i hit your dog last night,,,i didnt even see it
I dont have a dog?
WTF
i wish that i had sketchier friends so that it would be easier to get drugs
you were chalanging people to drink the "worlds biggest jager bomb" - a VASE of Redbull and a PINT of Jager... is it no wonder you dont remember anything?
I want someone to please me without me having to show him steps 1 through 5
I think I just puked all over my comforter and my roomdmate won't wakt up to washc it for me
As I was climbing out of the pool he slapped my ass and said 'stay golden', i don't know why but it felt right.
my left tit made it into the crop job on your profile pic, I knew it was good for other things
While we were making out, he kept yelling at me for not coming to his wedding last month.
You're gonna judge me.
Howd you sleep with him already
So, I'm playing the Doctor Who drinking game with my dogs, but they don't understand quite when to drink. Still counts as successful, though, right?
We shot off some fireworks at 12 and then I orchestrated the group singing of god bless the USA all while wearing a don't tread on me flag as a cape. I repped hard.
I'm hungover laying in my moms bed watching Space Jam.. Adult Life..
Whatever. I'll take my new fine ass dick sucking nails elsewhere.
when part of the plan includes getting high, i usually forget how the rest of the plan goes.
Randomize
