I had to puke in a pizza box on the drive home. People saw.
when i told him i was pregnant with his baby he texted me 'congradulations'
i pity the fetus.
would you kill someone to have someone deliver pancakes to you when you were high?
With the way things had been going, I was never more excited for a person to cum
I just wished the taco bell drive thru guy a happy cinco de mayo. Who says arizonians hate mexicans?
You know who really doesn't like surpise in-your-face air guitar solos? Strangers.
You're the only person i know who can laugh and talk while puking
I ended up with a bullet proof vest and I still don't know his last name.
Dude. All those hangovers I never had came back with a vengeance. I just opened the door of this car to barf. The car was not motionless. We are on the autobahn.
Will you be my therapist? I don't want to tell me secrets to a strange person and be judged all over again when you have already taken the time to do it. Oh and I will pay you with alcohol
Do you remember doing synchronized hip thrusts to Michael Jackson? Probably one of my favorite parts of the night
First sex of the summer I'm winning 1-0
GET HOME NOW
Oh shit
Our conversation concluded a weekly schedule of casual sex in between classes.
I know this is a weird question but we both had pants on when my mom woke us up last night right?
Was expecting a sext from Kristi and then my mom randomly sent me a pic of her ugly Xmas sweater. Worst. Buzzkill. Ever.
Randomize
