I'm on that like soy sauce on rice
It was only 12:11 and I needed to make a Pepto Latte and call it a night, I don't remember that being part of my new years resolution.
Used a cardboard box as a pillow and a towel as a blanket. Its like the great depression over here
I knew we would be good together when you made me lick jameson off your boob while you screamed along with racks on racks
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I hooked up with some guy to get over my ex last night. I was terrified until we started doing naked pushups.
I think the Predator is hunting me in my house. If I don't text you later, send Danny Glover. I love you all.
I draw, I play three woodwind instruments, I press buttons for eight hours at work and Im studying to be a gynecologist... I guarantee I can make you squirt, babe.
Apparently I yelled "Spring Break 1984" at a drunk couple fighting on the side of the road.
SUNS OUT COOCHY OUT
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm missing my left shoe, and there's a note on my foot (in my handwriting) that says "HAHA BITCH" Any explanation for this?
Accepting his friend request would be the Facebook equivalent of pity sex.
I remember the Prince Albert and the three penises in the threesome. But the rest no.
Just don't let me do two things: Beer bongs filled with vodka or shot competitions
There are two guys here arguing over Pearl jam and Nirvana. 1991 wants its argument back.
On a scale of 1-10 I’m at biblical violence
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