ive been sending my husband naked pics of my whole body from my phone..its a work phone. do you think our boss can see? if so, im either getting fired, or a raise.
That level of neurosis does not find love outside of Grey's Anatomy.
twelve hours since my last beer and i just blew a .08, time to go to the library
i just realized the only form of arm exercise i get is holding my arms up in the stand up tanning booth
both the worst and best vomit ever... it was extra chunky and thick cause of the sausage... but it also tasted like delicious sausage... also cause of the sausage
I told the girl in his bed not to bleed on his sheets like the last one.
She is just riding on my slutty coat tails.
She just looked at him and said "I'm gonna fuck that" and it totally worked.
Best part: she drunkenly told me I'm dangerous then slurred to my parents that I should watch out in case I fall in love with her. Then she mounted a pinata
I swear to god if he wasnt on the fourth floor balcony and I wasn't to drunk to climb I would kill him
he wouldnt let me in bed until i took off all the stickers i was covered in
Well, after emptying the contents of my stomach into a fucking rose bush, the only things moving through my digestive system are pills, coffee, and my own lip gloss. If that gives you any idea what kind of a day I'm having.
He is getting married. In the time it took for this conversation he probably cheated on her three times
I was woken up at 6 am by a second grader trying to give me a sweatshirt for a pillow
Nice. The Governor's son bruised my vagina.
That's going to be the title of my memoir.
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