I have carpet burn on my ass, I'm rethinking my decisions last night.
do people in england often walk their sheep on leashes? or is this guy the exception to the rule?
End of the semester and I banged 14 freshman. I'm like my own welcome to college orientation guide.
You hooked up with a kindergarten teacher?
Yea. It's kind of weird knowing that there are kindergarten teachers out there with their nipples pierced.
There are 9 condoms on my bed either i met the greatest girl ever last night or something horrible has happened.
8$ liquor pitchers. I'm gonna wear two or three pairs of underwear so when drunk me takes them off there'll still be a pair on.
This is how we made chicken soup last night: Whole chicken in a pot of vodka with a box of crackers and some carrots. We should go pro.
College is a time for personal growth. Meaning it's time to start using those pickup lines on randos at dive bars.
You started an entire relationship based only on sex and emoticons.
It's not that he's ugly its just that being blind folded makes everything less awkward
If they weren't representing Obama and the White House, they definitely would've punched me in the face.
He saw one of my bras on the floor and said "damn you could eat soup out of this"
I'm owning this being a social human being thing tonight!
If a weird guy texts you in the near future asking if you are satan just go with it
so do you remember taking your shirt off and just standing in your bra at the bar or no?
Randomize
