At a sweet 16. cant remember what shirt im wearing byt dnt worry im not sleeping w/ the guy who serves the chicken nuggets again
Soap is not a condiment
you had a panic attack, pissed yourself, and started crying. you never go above the kiddie level of my lil bros schools haunted house ever again.
round 2?
EVER.
New all-time record for most uncomfortable I've ever been. A midget just asked me to restrap his fanny pack in the bathroom.
For future reference, a lint roller appears to be the easiest way to get glitter out of a beard.
Our phone convo was getting intense. Then I heard her say "quiet mommy is trying to have phone sex"
The problem with having your drunkeness documented at a wedding is not only does it show up all over facebook, but all over professional photography websites.
I told him he didn't want "flip-flop extraction" on his medical history.
We pinky-swore to never fuck each other again.
u got into a flexing contest with a dude in bathroom in the mirror at the club
during a bj, his alarm went off and he said "At the buzzer"
After he finished he sang his college fight song like it was some victory
Dude she tried to bite my face off last night, literally. I have never actually felt like a piece of meat until that point in life...
He was so traumatized by the It's a small world ride but he immediately pulled out a flask from god-knows-where and got drunk before the ride was over. The ride operator didn't blame him.
you said you were going to the bathroom. we found you an hour later laying in the backyard clutching a bottle of vodka while singing the beatles and crying
Randomize
