Banned from zoo.
Again?
apparently 9 shots of absynthe does not take away your skill to walk. i just woke up under a tree in some field on the other side of town with 4 hours missing.
I feel like my whole life has been one big pre-game for Mexico.
The hot Japanese girl in my class just said her "favorite sexy American actor is Nick Cage." That, I can work with.
Going to get yelled at but I labeled the reel "four dried up sluts decide going to the middle east to shop during a war is the best idea ever"
Remember when I was so high that I thought my appendix burst? All I had to do was fart man, just fart.
Just violated the laws of fuck-buddyship and talked to him about my personal life. I don't like it.
All I'm saying is that your next houseguest had better not barge in on me in the shower demanding I wash the stolen dye from his hair. I'm not doing that a second time.
nothing says "functioning mature adult" like sneaking beer out of your mom's fridge in a lunchbox
The only difference between us and a pack of 14 year old girls is substance abuse
Someone came in the potted fern
I DESERVE A BEADED TATTOOED MAN I'VE WANTED ONE FOR SO LONG
BEARDED TATTOOED MEN ARE PEOPLE AND NOT THINGS TO BE GIVEN FREELY
So....I just took a paddle fan on high speed to the side of the head while getting head...still finished the job, good thing I'm drunk and couldn't feel it.
You danced?!
I just jiggle to the beat like a sexy lava lamp
Step 1 was make out with him. so now we just need to come up with step 2.
Randomize