Apparently they shut down a cook out cause people were selling drugsout the drive thru. Nice to be home
Redeem this text for a blowjob
Someday soon you'll wake up next to a bottle of jameson and a half eaten lean cuisine and then you'll be just like me.
it was frightening. in my opinion the only thing that should resemble a vagina is a vagina.
I'm going as Jenn Sterger if she answered Favre's calls and ended up in a trash can. If I don't get laid tonight I'm going to be pissed
The straight man in me wants to hit on her. But the gay man in me wants to compliment her on her awesome outfit.
I just kept pointing at random people and telling the bartender to put it on their tab.
Im dating a 38 year old who's lap I can fit in. Tell me I don't have daddy issues.
I mean you can't really blame him. He's named after whiskey and I don't get along with pants.
Waking up to find your mom holding your birth control pills and telling you I suggest you take this
To be honest I've become too lazy for the work involved in getting laid.
You run marathons and you're too lazy for sex? Priorities, man.
Touche.
I want to have sex with Will Smith. I guess I have a thing with 90s sitcom stars. Stamos, Joey Lawrence, John Goodman.
The girl in line in front of me at the grocery store is buying wine, m&m minis, a toothbrush, and condoms. Is it inappropriate to high-five her?
The only people who really get me are strippers and mascots for sports teams.
woke up with a tree in my apartment. also the everclear bottle is suspiciously low
suspiciously? i think one of those explains the other
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