How was dinner with ur grandparents?
I was really blazed and scared they'd catch me, so when they asked about my day I was concentrating really hard on not saying smoking that instead I honestly said "Well, I had sex on your pool table, Nana."
so I called to to smoke and you didn't pick up so I smoked and now I'm a race car
The best part about the NBA starting up is I get to see Charles Barkley make a fool out of himself for 8 months
You're just telling me nice things because you came in my eye.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You are the only person I know who got away with wearing a turtleneck while getting laid. ONLY person.
I don't know what it is about vodka that make me ruin relationships.
Her roommate "grounded" her because she drunkenly tried to fill their fish tank with vodka
I'm at work, and just realized I the beer smell I keep getting random whiffs of is my bra. I fail at life.
My google history for last night included "Whre is johns house" and "wher can i buy nukes?" Pretty sure they're related to one another.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The power of the half flaccid cock, and to think, I thought I was just playing accordion in front of her Vagina!
Did you send me a cake saying 'Happy 1st One-Night Stand Ever'?
I can't. I mean he's hot, but there's really nothing else there
You just said he's hot
NO YOU DON'T UNDERSTAND
I just got a snapchat of a flaccid penis with the caption "happy belated valentine's day." What did I do to deserve this
we've talked on the toilet we're linked now
If he has a beard, chances are, that’s an open invitation to sit on his face
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