When you only buy popcorn and condoms at the grocery store they know whats up.
you were calling yourself Ulickes S. Cunt.
Nothing ended up happening last night because he couldn't get my overalls or fanny pack off. I woke up this morning with one strap over my overall shorts on, my fanny pack wrapped around my chest, and the baby doll still tied to my hand. Ugh white trash parties!
I hit a bug from across the room with my flip flop boomerang style. That awesome.
he obviously didn't care that i was sleeping and dreaming about ellen degeneres knitting me a christmas sweater.
It's like he's trying to get head in every car except his.
seeing two hook-ups in tagged in the same picture will send chills down anyone's spine.
This girl did not understand, once police sirens go on, road-head needs to STOP
It's the only time I've ever felt manly shitting myself
I seriously have her in my phone as "Legit 8"...even I'm surprised
Telling the family you're going for a run, getting dressed in workout clothes, and then walking halfway around the block and smoking a joint. This is my life
How about we just have a naked taco night instead?
But I made it seem like I wasn't hungover at work, so that's a plus.
When we found you, you were half crying/half singing Taylor swift songs at 2am in the bathroom, and occasionally puking. I think I get "friend of the year" award just for putting up with your drunk ass all night.
OMFG I JUST SEARCHED DILDO ON THE WORK SHARED AMAZON ACCOUNT!!!!!
Randomize
