I wish Pampers made couches for people like us.
I'm at the store buying plan b and vodka
the cocktail of hope
So i just found out i replied to my room mates craigslist ad. Akward
Seriously. You just grinded your ass all over the heisman trophy's dick. I want you to think about that.
her night didn't end so well, both of her boyfriends got arrested... together.
i need to find a notary that isn't going to turn me in for blatantly lying to the us and chilean governments
Pretty sure I blacked out the last 48 hours, the last thing I remember is the 4 pm bar crawl on Thurs
Can you believe they're going to let me be a doctor?
okay i am so sorry that i pulled a knife on you last night but seriously that woman knows how to throw a party.
Strip clubs just aren't as fun when a man tries to drunkenly grind on you.
Everyone was in jail by 10:30. I'd say it was a successful bachelor party.
yeah im watching him make his speech now. cant take him seriously tho. hes talking about funding for education and all i can think about is how ive seen what he looks like wearing womens underwear...
Just told myself the phrase "You're not THAT single" while dressing myself
No fair. I need a fuck buddy to entertain me till the power comes back on
Never in my life did I think i would give a blow job in the bathroom of my old elementary school. Twice.
He's such a jerk. If only his penis was attached to someone else
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