I'm texring you during a blow job. She thinks I'm looking shit up. Fml. Ftw.
u know what's depressing? a picture of an owl without a graduation cap
And he showed us your test. You wrote what is this shit and scribbled on it? Nice 3%..
all i remember is you climbed in a garbage can and said you were trashed
At this point it has been so long i wouldnt know what a dick was if it slapped me in the face.
please hurry. your mom just evil laughed to herself in the kitchen like she's plotting my death.
i licked icing off his dick. in front of his sister.
130 PACKAGES of glow sticks! The going rate of a rave is $38.30! GET READY FOR THE GLORGY!!!!!!!!!!!!
Honestly I think at this point I purposefully schedule nothing on Sundays anymore so I can spend all day wallowing in my shame.
No night ever ends well that starts with "you know what this needs? More tequila".
I've slept in a different bed every day this week. Operation Ho Ho Ho is a success!
Lets start a coed nudist frat/sorority. It would be amazing. Or just an orgy club. It would also be amazing
My only positive piece of news is that my roommate is moving home for the summer, so our stress-relief sex will be much easier to get away with.
He texted me at 2am telling me to come get my American flag from his place, if that's not code for sex idk what is
WHAT THE FUCK DREAM ME
I'M GONNA PUNCH THAT BITCH THE FUCK DID SHE THINK SHE WAS DOIN
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