I kind of had a moment like that kid whose mom cancelled his WoW subscription, except I didn't try to shove a remote control up my own ass.
woke up with a sweatshirt on that said "someone special calls me grandma" and a sword. i'm just going to assume that it was a good night
Oh I also wanted to thank you for leaving your list of porn sites on the coffee table. Very entertaining.
They live so far away from me that not fucking them both would have been financially irresponsible
And your hair- I'd make sure to pee on it first.
Maybe its all the xanax she takes but she literally has NO shame
wanna tell me why theres a glass of water stuffed with tamptons in the freezer?
dude, we need a reunion soon, my vagina needs a deep massage. The kitty is ready to play
I stood on the corner waiting to be picked up, dry heaving, and trying to block out the sun.
I think my favorite day of the week is the day we get to fuck
Then he said,"I love you like a sister I like to have sex with."
Kinda hard to look your partner in the face the day after a rousing game of How Many Ways Can I Capture Your Penis.
I was on top for a full on make out when in dead silence "I'm moaning Myrtle" came from the TV. Moment ruined. I got cock blocked by a fictional ghost
I share a birthday weekend with Easter this year, so that fucking sucks. I hate sharing...and I have to share with fucking Jesus this year.\n
Found your bra
Where?
Hanging in the tree
Randomize
