My psychiatrist is "consulting" others. I am high-achieving nuts.
He was singing Will Smith Just the Two of Us to his burrito. That high.
My tits are coming out a minimum of ten times
I didn't cheat on him. He just hasn't been informed of the open part of our relationship.
I threw up in the bar parking lot and yelled THIS IS MY FUTURE.
Note for the future: whiskey syrup is AMAZING on 3am pancakes.
Uh no. you let me handle it. trust me: I can paint the Mona Lisa in tints of bitch.
Haha at least the one I have like that you can't tell we are completely drunk and you're about to kick a glass out of my hand in a fit of joy over pizza.
Night just started and I've already seen a woman headbutt a brick wall. Unintentionally. Epic to say the least
My attorney has my name in her roldex as need to hit that. Im gonna win my case
He took off his priest costume and proceeded to dryhump the teletubby.
Man...I want to get monumentally fucked tonight.
Thanks so much for having me, I'm really sorry that I almost caused your dog to catch on fire and also for breaking your doorknob
Kinda suprised you didn't immediately ask about the lesbian ghosts tho
Wanna get drunk and play candy land? If so you are 2 steps behind.
Randomize
