I'm so tired of dating women who lie about their age. You show up feeling like you need to follow them around with a dust pan and a broom.
I think east. Tornado watch. What the fuck are you doing in Texarkana?
Bonnaroo. Tornado watch? Expand on that thought.
Watch for tornadoes.
I'm convinced her vagina is similar to chernobyl, but I want to visit it for the novelty value anyway.
Approach what situation? Look, I dunno if you think I'm like some lezbo cheetah waitin in some shrubs to pounce on you the second I see you, but I'm not!
well, everyone in my office is getting a nice laugh right now. But seriously... please delete my number
So guy #2, the dancer, is programmed into my phone under the name H.uy. His number- 11 digits. I should have stopped drinking.
You never did explain why you were in wal-mart with a wok full of popcorn.
I think the guy in front of me just puked in a styrofoam cup.
That just sounds like a recipe for sex in my backyard. Yes.
Haha...we lost by one cup to a guy w shitty facial hair. What makes me most mad abt the loss is that I could grow a better beard on my vag.
You had a hot dog outside the bar then made me stop at McDonald's for a double quarter pounder. I'd say you've more than filled your drunken meat quota.
well he got me up crazy early but i got pizza for breakfast and an electric blanket to sleep with sooo he passed the one night stand test.
I'm bored enough im considering taking up his offer to turn me straight just to kill time until the lasagna is out of the oven
Am I the only one who saw the used condom in the driveway this morning
You've discovered your super power: Your Vagina
I mean, drunk me really liked him, maybe sober me will too. Who am I to deny fate?
Randomize
