I'm kindof freaked out about my cock not getting up this morning. Cove over later so I can sort this out. Do not post this on texts from last night.
Damn that would have been a great one. Hahah and don't worry...
So baked. Thought the twigs on the sidewalk were caterpillars with the ability to harden in self defense. Had to pick one up to be sure.
you spent the like half the night trying to figure out the puzzles on the back of the captn crunch box
That's the first time you've ever said the L word without referring to drinking or partying.
The kid in the park, who was on a leash I might add, looked at us and yelled "stranger danger" before hiding behind his dad
When they say "all expenses paid" does that include bail?
I'm not sure what happened last night but I woke up next to him and I was wearing nothing but my grandpa's diabetic socks, so I'm letting that fill in the blanks.
He's talking about how great of a find these dollar store condoms were. Help.
Congratulations on your lack of fetus.
I have feelings that need drinking.
I never thought I would be saying these words but...when did David Spade get hot?
The laundromat is nothing like In the pornos
Just fantasized about my boss's fingers in a meeting. I desperately need to get some.
we should most definitely have a fire extinguisher in the apartment. like... for sure
Interlocking vagina powers go!!'
Oh god, your drunk again aren't you?
Randomize
