My mom just told me to drench my entire body in vodka for 20 minutes. I have never been this russian. no one has ever been this russian
The Firefighter Games are going to be in Tampa the same weekend I am. I think God is answering my vagina's prayers.
So many people have lost their virginity on my futon... I think it is only the right thing to bronze it and put it on display
How long is a courtesy make out supposed to last??
She has an emergency bra in her purse. I'm gonna check no on the 'introducing her to my new boyfriend' box.
The world isn't going to end because you slept with him!
... that would be easier though.
See this is why people shouldn't jump into marriage. See what type of drunk you're engaged to first.
Woke up the next morning in an 8 year old's bedroom. Saw my bra swinging from the spiderman ceiling fan and decided it would be best to dip out w/o it.
A reason for us to be drunk all week National Singles Week
So what's your itinerary for Amsterdam?
Show up, get drunk, get laid, try not to miss my flight home.
You know shit got weird when you watched another guy shove drugs up your wife's ass and it wasn't awkward for any of us....
You ran outside of the party to do the rain dance and swim in puddles
I'm unsure if I could pee myself at this point in my life
We already gave up cheese, how are we supposed to give up coke?
We're getting a bucket of chicken and screwing around, so no, you can't join us.
Randomize
