i celebrated the independence of our country by dry heaving tequila all morning. so classy. happy 4th.
I put my bosses number in my phone as "Do not call," I shouldve known my drunk curiosity would overcome any desire I had to keep my job.
again?
So this girl in my math class just went to the bathroom, tampon in hand, comes back with it still in her hand starts digging around in her purse, takes her thing of birthcontrol out, goes oh fuck, and downs the rest of the pills. Got to love college.
Fucking Canada. At least when they wake up tomorrow they're still in Canada
I popped a zit on your vagina. Don't say I never loved you.
what the fuck a piece of candy corn just came out of her nose
We already established this. No, he did not cum on the dog.
I think "I actually like giving blow jobs better" qualifies her as a keeper
RA chick in a Christmas onsie chased us up 5 flights of stairs. I need to stop violating guest policy
im suggesting it to him. and by suggesting i mean we're not having sex again unless im wearing high heels
I borrowed a glass of wine. And the bottle. Your cat said it was ok
She said "I've been waiting to suck your cock since high school." I'm so glad so many freshmen are from our school.
It's fun yes. But hard on the body. I woke up with her purse, socks and one of her shoes in my room. The other shoe was outside. What the fuck were we doing last night?
i looked at my texts in the morning and saw that i had a full conversation with myself via text thinking it was someone else. i rejected myself
Will exercising make me less horny?
Randomize
