what kind of morning-after breakfast implies 'thanks for the sex, but i'm not gonna call you ever again'?
After the tests come back negative, you guys will look back on this evening with fond memories...
Classy. Drunk on alcoholic "energy drink" at work before 8 am on a Tuesday. Between that and hanging out in bars with no pants on, your life is beginning to sound like a Bukowski novel.
Right when he gets off the plane they're going straight to a party where you're only allowed in with a bottle of whisky and they are given bullet proof vests.
The chips are stabbing my teeth, and I can feel the muscle under my mouth contracting.
The dorm caught on fire so it turned into a 5am pool party
How high is the bridge and how deep is the water and what are the chances I will get arrested
The sad part is I didn't even want to get laid. I just wanted the emotional connection, but my vagina was screaming "TOUCH ME. TOUCH ME RIGHT NOW BECAUSE MY DADDY ISSUES ARE MUCH DEEPER THAN MY EMOTIONAL NEEDS!" Vodka has a way of getting me out of my emotions and gets me fucked every time.
Can I chase this vodka with an onion?
Why does 2015 have to start with so many regrets?
Wow. Memory lane. What a horrendously unsightly jizz stain on the tapestry of life.
We bird danced in front of the bird cages for 20 minutes. I think it was our way of being like fuck you guys you're in a cage and we're on summer break.
I was drunk in the shower and i decided to shave. Im now bleeding to death
I feel like I'm a car that keeps getting Bacardi 151 instead of fuel
Jesus better clutch that motherfucking wheel, then.
I'M NOT PUTTING MY TRUST IN JESUS! I'M PUTTING MY TRUST IN YOU!
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