Just be blunt and say drink from my dick
Hi, I just found this phone under my seat at a brewers game and seeing as you're entered in as 'fillllatio' I figured I'd ask you if you know the illiterate ass who owns this phone. Thanks :)
Watching this movie and saying "drink every time you see an animal" was a bad idea...circle of life...holy crap
She has 2500 facebook friends. I probably should have used a condom.
Two girls just making out in the elevator. Didn't stop when the doors opened. Part of me didnt mind, but part did. Bc I wanted to get on the elevator without it getting awkward. Am I gay?
Mike is so stoned. I just heard him quietly mutter to himself "rock a piss" as he walked down the hall to the bathroom
Pretending to leave a voicemail when the person answers the phone....that's gotta be drunk dial level 99
He brought wine and beer. I'll put my pants on for wine and beer.
Crazy fun. I think I got a concussion from a stripper
They never prepare you for how broke ur gonna be in college. I just accepted money from two underage girls at a gas station to buy them beer only because I'm trying to figure out a way to run off with it without them noticing.
Dude, use it to buy them beer. Then run the beer to ur car as fast as you can and bring it to the party. Seriously, we're running out of booze over here
There was another blizzard last night and at one point I was drinking 3 beers at once. Driving home didn't seem like a wise option
Our first order of business as new roommates was to test the sex acoustics of our rooms. I need a new box spring.
I mean with a sentence like that I knew I would be cumming
I know I come to this conclusion on a fairly regular basis but I really do need a babysitter
We're gonna start a pole dancing competition or a bar fight. Stand by for results.
Randomize
