I am engaged
To a real live girl that has met me
giving a blow job on a jetski isn't as easy as it sounds.
Just witnessed a walk of shame by a guy in a half gorilla suit. It's going to be a good day.
I woke up face down on my laptop with three windows open: itunes, chat roulette and redtube
Just calculated that for my last final tomorrow I need 120% to improve my grade and 53% to keep it..buying 30 packs now, go get dressed
I figured that I'd start organizing the places ive given head. I'll add treehouse right after bandroom
Haha crisis adverted. Just told my dad I need to bone this guy. Nbd. He totes understands
Dear Penis Owner...our records show that you are overdue for servicing...please contact our friendly associates to schedule a thoroughly satisfying experience today...operators are standing by...
I left the guinea pigs on the dryer. Make sure to take care of them.
Tackling and headbutting friends, running away and hiding from everyone, attempting to streak across campus, and then waking up with no sign of a hangover... happy 21 to me
Pretty sure I just got the ok to have a one night stand in Maui...from mom. I'd say that's a win in my book.
my goal is to never have a bac of 0.0 the whole time while in the state of florida, which means i have to chug a beer before i cross the state line
You were pretty conviced that my dog was a spanish child and kept trying to read him the news from your iphone app
I’m mid 4sum and you’re sending me photos of your cat. We had very different evenings.
I may or may not be drinking in a church parking lot.
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