hahaha Yeah oh well, she wrote on my facebook wall, That's almost like a digital hand job
The reason halloween exists is because it's not cheating if you're wearing a costume.
i really should have bought real food rather than condoms, olives, coleslaw and beer...
I just had sex in a cardigan. Made me feel old. Smarter somehow, but old.
I've slowly been stuffing french fries down his pants. I'm at 31 and he hasn't even noticed.
So the chick throws up over the rail from the 15th floor at the sky bar and I knew I would take her back to my hotel.
Vodka drinking games. Where you wake up next to a douche lord and see your thong in the blinds.
Also I feel that I would be a hell of a sled dog operator.
Thank god I didn't get free from the hospital restraints. I wouldent have lasted long drunk, startled and in an ass-less gown In D.C.
For future reference. Do not congratulate the bar tender at oscars she is not pregnant she has just gotten fat u will get a shot thrown in your face
I made that picture of you my lock screen. So I've just been standing around at work licking my phone all day.
By talk him into it I assume you mean blow him into it.
Oohh. Then yes, he is the Alpha Fuckboy.
I feel like it's the kind of place that would appriciate my Aladdin vest
He smells like sex and magic. I’m already naming our children
Maybe you should talk to him first
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