Too bad my picture didn't come thru. It was one of me naked riding a unicorn with a wizard hat and a magic staff. And the unicorn had wings. And me too.
walked into a party last night, i saw 3 ex gfs standing in a circle talking to each other...that's the quickest u-turn i've ever made in my life.
Hotel room at 3 am. She's 42. Stockings and heels. All because I opened with a joke about cougar hunting. We'll high-five later.
I made her cum... she sounded like Ray Romano
I have realized now that neither the top nor bottom of a bunk bed is safe for sex....
i woke up in the fire place with a lighter in my hand. if i would have died the night would have made up for it.
You never did explain why you were in wal-mart with a wok full of popcorn.
And then as he was trying to conceal his boner from everybody, you said aloud "just grab your cock and get out of the pool"
I can always tell I missed tequila night based on the hickeys on your neck man. Fucking call me.
It wasn't until I took a shit, that I remembered that you assholes started spiking my shots with tobasco when I wasn't looking last night. Dicks.
Heard puking from next door. Looks like the third floor won't be any different than the second.
The best part is every argument that she makes from here on out will be refuted by "Oh hey remember that time you shit yourself wearing someone else's sweatpants at a frat party?"
I'm bringing cupcakes to work today as an apology for my actions at the bar last night, my boss probably can't look at me the same ever again
We had sex in the morning in pregnant lady position. Like fuck me like the hott piece of ass that I am, not your wife of 7 years.
His favorite stripper is going to jail. He's taking it pretty hard
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