Thats something to write home to mom about
Dear Mom, I had sex last nt w a girl that liked to b choked. Im n love. Cant wait for you to meet her
I still think their baby is ugly. I also still think it's yours.
guess who just got paired up at the beer pong table with the fat girl who's nipples are hanging out...
just because you dressed up as a brontosaurus doesn't mean you can poop in my yard and roar at my neighbors
just once i'd like the "right thing" and the "topless thing" to be the SAME THING
I just woke up to three voicemails from you. In the first one you just straight laughed for 3 minutes. In the second you did bird calls. In the third you were hysterically crying. Have fun last night?
Were you paying girls to come up and grab my cock and tell me I look like bradley Cooper?
I have already decided that it happened in an alternate universe since both of the people involved don't remember it and we only have the word of a sober person that it happened at all
Who is Katie and why do we have her birthday cake?
My puffy vagina and I are on the way to the doctor to see what your mutant penis did to us THANKS A LOT
I manage to fit my wine bottle in my koozie and the rest is history
It was the cape. I can't control myself when I wear a cape.
I literally woke up walked into the bathroom, threw up and died this morning. Then went to my 8am.
So my family just woke up on Easter morning and shared a bowl. That's bonding😊
just walked passed a black light...apparently he DID cum.
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