i just found a plastic monkey in my sweatshirt pocket
Umm I had a plastic mermaid in my pants......
Really
You win
well thats why i like him. because he makes you happy. on the other hand i think he masturbates too much while texting you.
Tell Heather sorry for burning her hair. Also for anything else that I may have done that warrants and apology. Anything after about 10pm is kind of hazy.
i just renamed my vag "the sorting hat"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just punched cris angel in the balls. I have photos.
we are cooking lunchables pizzas on a fire pit.
I just found three unopened cans of PBR behind our futon that I think I was saving for winter.
i feel as uncomfortable as your camel toe looks.
Nothing quite like pre-gaming the Kentucky Derby with adderall and adderall. I'm fairly confident I could outrun all of these fucking horses in a foot race right now.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
There was a tour on campus today, and there were two girls i went to high school with in the group. They saw me and ran up to me as i was unlocking my door. when i opened it, kate was laying in a pile of glitter and beer cans. We need to reevaluate.
They're either celebrating their tax money or trying to kill each other.
All you need is a handful of lube and an open mind
I am available for nakedness
I'M IN A SPINNING VORTEX OF SELF-HATRED AND HORNINESS
Yeah. We had phone sex then cried together, it was beautiful and heartbreaking
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