She was sucking his dick at Seacrets outside bar in front of all of us...her friends kept coming over crying and yelling "Tiffany stop it"
yeah that facebook group of people who have had sex with me probably isn't to discreet...
fuck dude i blacked out on a tuesday. what am i doing with my life?
Winning.
I have never pre-planed for a better sober morning than lacing my muffin batch with tylenol.
you were mass sexting so we took your phone away
I havnt even moved into my new place yet and there's already a county sheriffs card taped to the door with my name on it asking me to call him
I'm pretty sure getting a blow job behind a bar in Rome while her little sister is throwing up in a dumpster not 5 feet away, gives entirely new meaning to the phrase "When in Rome"
We're gona eat taco bell and then take exlax and see who can hold it in the longest. Loser has to pay for drinks all weekend. You in?
i'm calling it my monica lewinsky shirt now. may it live forever in infamy.
Happy Halloween!! Last Halloween we spent together you got brought home in a shopping cart
He made me a flamingo drink and now I don't know why things are the way they are.
My mom just asked if I've gotten any girls pregnant how is your day going
I didn't even know his name until he texted me the next day and told me I should take a plan B pill. Thanks Danny.
Where are you? Where am I? Why am I so red?
Well guess who isn't a virgin anymore
guess who isnt wearing pants has a shaving cream beard and is afraid theres no cream cheese in the fridge
the answer to that last one was me. the answer to the first one is you, you sly dog
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