hey soul. what's that? you, dignity and pride are left for the night? coulda told me that before i vomited all over my mother.
just found more coke in my pocket. i love not washing my jeans after every individual use.
This guy just came in and told me how he bought a clock for his cat so his cat can know when he's coming home...
he started fingering my stomach rolls instead of my vag... am i really that fat?
He just gave a drunken 7 minute speech on how to make the perfect grilled cheese. he explained types of butter and cheeses....i think i love him
professor came back from spring break missing a tooth
the tv said "its small, its comfortable..." and i started laughing... safe to say he lost any dignity he had left...
I may have just unintentionally roofied a man in a wheelchair
that's the best thing i've ever said to a penis
Cory and I accidentally had a sexual adventure last night.
How do you ACCIDENTALLY have a sexual adventure?
At IHOP. It feels weird and sad that your cleavage isn't here for me to try to toss paper wads into.
Feels like I ran a marathon last night. A tequila marathon.
HELP! I GOT DRUNK IN THE LIVING ROOM AND CANT GET UP UPSTAIRS
Strip club, what strip club did I eat a steak at? That's the appropriate question
Woke up went to work ate beef after three year hiatus shat my pants went to bed
Randomize
