i learned a valuable lesson last night. sometimes nice girls finish first. twice.
She looks like Sash Grey but sounds like Fran Drescher. Advise.
i just jacked off to lindsey vonn, i feel so patriotic
USA! USA! USA!
I need to move out. I just walk of shamed my way into a family breakfast party. There's no response when grandma says "where you coming from in heels at 9AM?"
i just had a pap smear and two shots. lets hit the beach.
the game I always play with drunk me is can-you-button-and-unbutton things? If the answer is no, go home. Usually it's his pants
I think online classes were designed around the concept of day drinking.
While looking for an apartment, I've realized that the way I rate balconies is on the "how easy would it be to smoke weed here" scale.
What other scale is there?
See, it wasn't that I broke my nose having sex. Its that I forgot about the bedposts...
Wearing a shark mask, slugging tequilla, in cowboy boots, and not minding that my spandex is on backwards. What are you up to?
I mean.. listen to "Put It In My Mouth" and you'll get the gist of my voicemail for you.
The other day I was really high and I felt like my words were coming out of my mouth in flowers...I don't know.
A guy was over-the-skirt fingering me on the dance floor and I stopped him to sensually rap in his ear. So that was my Halloweekend
I can't have my last hookup before 21 have been behind a dumpster
The man sent me a video of him doing the helicopter, the least I can do is go visit him in the hospital
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