I was high as a kite when I got pulled over by a cop and he asked me for my ID and if I had been smoking weed, I said no and gave him my debit card.
the new term for farting is butt boxing.
dude if i could bring that prime piece of meat home, id be the luckiest average-looking girl who ever lived
I told him to show me what he was made of and he came on my face. law students are so technical.
Just found out my ex boss was running a whore house in the bar. Time to remove her as a reference?
I standby a snuggie being perfectly acceptable attire for drunkenly walking your dog at 5am. Our new neighbors did not seem to agree.
So he says "my girlfriends coming over so you have to leave but I love you"
it doesn't matter, he's just a life support system for his dick
Hey. I can't work your space dryer so I'm wearing your blanket home. I'll get my clothes later. Fun party!
We broke into her grandpa's pool at 2 am and I held my underwear out the window on the way home.
Grass is always greener, Allison, grass is always greener
The grass is drunker and I'm lying down on it
That was the first time I ever heard of a female getting road head while driving... thanks for the memory and making me happy ending..
Have you forgotten that this whole sexy cop role play started with a comment about my mom?
Already drunk, almost got in a fight with a bunch of irish chicks. And another with canadians. On my way to get a tattoo. I plan to regret this trip.
She called me at 2am crying because her late night booty call moved out of state
Randomize
