Wooohooo! I'm sitting in the car like a creep watching people walk in and out of Blush. Lots of happy people.
I think I just saw the travelocity gnome in leather chaps.
my facebook friend requests are always from girls of boyfriends i have fucked, facebook is the worst reminder of shame
i could totally date him if i was just drunk the whole relationship
I'm paying a homeless guy $20 to follow me around bars tonight with a boombox playing the theme to Rocky.
it's just one of those nights where i don't care if anyone sees my vagina
You need to let him know my only agenda is coke and sadness.
yo btw licking skeptical coke off table right now
You are like the only girl I know who tells their booty call to go find another girl just cause you want more sleep.
how do you expect me to pass the time when I'm too old to be jailbait but too young to legally drink
Just told my boss I wasn't coming in to work because of a serious case of blue balls. Totally made having them worth it.
drunk brunch me or lose me forever
Pretty sure the cop told you that you were the first person he pulled over for being drunk on a tractor. So there's that.
No I'm not high but I did cry for over an hour tonight because I realized that they never made a sequel to "Under the Tuscan Sun" with Diane Lane.
I feel really sorry for my toilet right now
Randomize
