So can I buy you a drink sometime?
Sure, but make it a double, I'm drinking for two these days.
i just yelled "run, its godzirra!" to an asian kid who looked confused by the tornado alarm test
Dude, you bit through my nipple. Give it a week, damn.
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
My lecture teach is passed out next to me. I think I'm doing pretty good for a freshman.
She fell asleep with me.... We found her pantsless in the dogbed in the morning... Russian foreign exchange students
I've injured myself in such a way that i am only capable of making love standing up now
I can't be here...my therapist just watched me take tequila shots
Seriously I'm dying. All my insides are fighting their way out of me. With light sabers and machetes.
I'll take care of you. Just let me pee on this old white person's car first.
Okay, first we buy a pirate outfit and then we get drunk, you in or you out?
You were filing your nipples with a nail file to "make them sharper"
It's a classy one I promise! Their toilets are cushioned an tier wifi is named hummingbird
Just do what I do and listen to your vagina. She’ll growl when she smells good dick
I refuse to take any type of advice let alone love advice from a motherfucker who is missing 3 fingers from a Fucked up masturbating accident.
Randomize
