i should go to a nude beach and wear just a condom, then ill have tan lines on my dick
My Dad named our wireless network after my dead grandma. I refuse to look up porn on my dead grandma...
Highlight of my evening, pile of books falling onto me in front of people
man i wonder what i would be like if i had never started smoking weed
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I can't believe I'm wasting this thong on a guy in a sweater vest.
i'm not the one sitting naked in my room playing with my boobs and a cat.
The only downside so far to having a guy roommate is that when he's doing a walmart run, I just can't bring myself to ask him to pick up a pregnancy test for me. I feel like that's just too much too soon.
WHERE ARE MY FUCKING EYEBROWS?!
Last time I heard from you, you were double fisting strawberry milk and wine. Answer this text so I know you're still alive. Bonus points for a coherent answer.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
it wasn't a normal cookie, i figured that out 45 minutes into my exam
I shit you not, me and my date were in that bar and within a 10 minute window, 4 ex gf's entered. Every one clocked me and gave me evils. I swear they're conspiring.
I wish university was like frosh week all the time and then they just give you a degree for surviving
Also there's so much vodka on my breath that if I blew on my fingers my nail polish would fall right off
Ok thats great. so just to recap: you fucked a billionare in his penthouse last night, and I had a glass of wine on the toilet.
Sorry. We had to leave because I knocked a guy out for saying "yolo".
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