dude, i look like john mccains neck right now
Some bum walked up and watched me getting head last night for like 5 mins before I noticed him
I'm gonna stay in bed all day and watch porn in an attempt to stay warm.
beyond obliterated. i recall legitimately trying to use a ballpoint pen as eyeliner.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He went bowling in his bathroom.. And shattered the toilet.
I don't think child baring hips is a compliment.
dude this night sums up my single life. naked, crying, and covered in honey. i need to get laid.
I almost lit my balls on fire tonight.
I'll answer your question with a question: Are you gonna be too high?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO GET MY FUCKING CUPCAKES WHEN THE GROUNDSWORKER I HOOKED UP WITH IS LOITERING IN THE VENDING AREA
They're frat boys at heart and have sickly, dusty, rotting souls.
Sex with you deserves a trophy and a day of remembrance in honor of it.
You are in a fancy European city. The best way to truly experience the city is through Tinder
I can't get the smell of burned penis out of the house
Sooooooo this guy just asked me if I'd be interested in a threesome... I'm considering bc I would get to hang out with his dog afterwards.
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