So I was watching the View and they were saying oral sex is the new goodnight kiss
So when are we having a sleepover?
He just kept muttering to himself "stabby stabby stabby stabby" while we were boning. I will never be boning him again.
Fun fact: female penguins have sex in exchange for pebbles to build nests. I now know what im being for halloween
The face that yo gabba gabba comes up when I'm stoned and searching for yoga workouts is scary or dangerous
the manly guy you want to date so badly? he's at the club. as a drag queen. wearing higher heels than you own. think about that.
After i finished him. He goes "youre a champion"... Then whispers "forever"
Somehow my drug dealer is stuck in my air-vent and now everything smells like patchouli, weed, deoderant and sweat.
I'm having a martini with dinner. A new level of class.
I'm stoned and eating mustard, also a new level of class.
We trekked into the state forest, laid the comforter down and he proceeded to tell me that we could stay here and stargaze, turned me around and fucked me like the lion king.
In other news, I just threw up my burrito and am currently on all fours literally crawling back to my bed
I need a hoe opinion
go on
i can't hookup with him because someone else bit my vagina
we woke up when the front wall of the house caught fire.
couldn't remember his name. introduced him as 'mr multiple orgasms'
Will you PLEASE get your mom to stop telling me I'd make a great husband? She knows I'm gay, right?!
I know, but she really likes you. Have you met my brother yet?
Randomize
