The only thing better than Call of Duty is getting jerked off while playing Call of Duty.
eat the baked goods on the counter at your own risk... i made them while i was angry and drunk so they most likely have pubes in them
Im also drinking whiskey while on a treadmill wearing high heels so let's consider that for a moment.
I'm so confused. I feel like I just intentionally took roofies to see where I'd end up.
What about.....a game of twister and....wait..nevermind. I've hit my cap for sexualizing things today.
I told him I was very thankful for what his country has done to my vagina and walked away.
hey dude, just got with the girl in H4. so mark H off the apartment list
haha we are half through our lease and already checked off 17 letters
The best of us have puked in our office garbage cans. I just hope yours wasn't the metal mesh kind...and bagless like mine. Rock n roll office manager.
You have ruined sex with him for me. Now all I think is "boy scout" and I want to go home
Please come over here so I can show off my beard, talk to you about how quantum computing is actually a symptom of interstellar physics, and then put my head under your dress
Duck, Duck, Goose is now the autocorrect, safe for work version of fuck, fuck, loose.
I am never drinking with the goths again.
I just found a samari sword in the couch. I'm about to take like 5 shots and pretend to be captain jack sparrow
He looked so uninterested when the stripper was slapping him. Now his roommates are harassing me about how crazy our sex must be.
When do you think the murder is going to happen in this Lifetime movie of ours?
Randomize
