Last night I broke through a door, was hospitialized, arrested, and threw my shoe at a bouncer. This summer is gonna be fuckin sick.
I woke up face first on my living room floor arms outstretched toward the christmas tree
What's he like?
The usual. Sarcastic, dark, full of fucked up emotional problems that result in fantastic sexual prowess.
i never thought it was possible to fit gay, redneck and asian into the same sentence before i met you.
and this wasn't even the first one i'd hooked up with
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
MCAT status: Day 64, no longer can remember what sex is like.
I tried to tell her I've only slept with 3 other people...she then named off 5 of her sorority sisters I fucked and asked me if she should continue
I met her dad while holding 4 empty beer bottles at the opera house. I think I made a hell of an impression.
We found him sitting in a beach chair in the basement storage room passed out. Idk if we should move him or pass the bowl around.
I think ur a lot drunker then u think u are. That girl has the body of a cartoon character and not in a good way.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
At least you get to smell pizza at your job. I just smell despair all day long.
him crossdressing on the weekends is awkward but not a deal breaker for me.
Because that's what you do with poop. You expect the worst.
I wish I had a Tina from Bob's Burgers in real life. She would be the best wingman.
I found condoms in the back yard from you and your boyfriend. My house isnt a motel
I'm like a bad decision making factory. I need to sit down and have a chat with my decision making elves.
Randomize