if i had a dollar for every time ive had to piece a night together like they did in "the hangover", i bet i could outsell their weekend box office earnings...
Which one of you FUCKERS filled the toilet with soil and planted my mothers daisys in it? NOT FUCKING HAPPY
I don't remember her name, but I do remember yelling at her from the balcony of the hotel room during her walk of shame.
He said I was the smartest girl he had ever dated, that should have been a sign from the beginning
is it bad that I didn't wash the cum out of my hair because it keeps my curls intact?
Just received a visit from the Ghost of Bad Decisions Past. Kind of weird 90% of the flashbacks happened in the same sixteen month span, the rest happened at Taco Bell.
I have a test in the morning in sign language about signs for drugs and alcohol use. Im drunk and rolling a blunt. I've never felt so confident about a grade in my life.
Operation: pick up a lawyer was a resounding success. Commence operation: football mugshot weekend
Matt you can be anything you want to be. Including the awesome guy that brings pizza to a bunch of stoned and sorta drunk kids.
I feel like on the last day of finals we should run around campus dressed like Moses screaming "LET MY PEOPLE GO!!!!"
I'll start the recruiting
I totally straight up jacked your pants. I am so sorry.
Sometimes you have a glimmer of a heart and then I immediately remember you are dead inside.
Happy Halloween!! Last Halloween we spent together you got brought home in a shopping cart
I just put my eye make up on in the bathroom of the bar.... I may be too comfortable here....
did i tell you guys i finally 69’d for the first time last night? just thought the group chat should know.
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