Just kissed her with a dip in my mouth... She was either too drunk to notice or too cool to care
mom and dad googled us on the weekend. i love the internet less than i did on friday.
dude she was givin me head and stops and looks up at me and tells me she loves me, then goes ''alright now cum in my mouth''.... pretty sure shes the one
Judging that there's a photo of me getting head while sitting on a graveyard tombstone.....not good.
Man, I must say, having known you since preschool, Eiffel-Tower-ing her would've fully completed our journey to brotherhood.
Your cat is quite the conversationalist after some tequila and shrooms
Ok here's the state of the situation: We're alone in a strange city with strange people with nothing but alcohol and sprite, I think we're gonna make it.
I'm so hungover that I just wrote up my will because I'm afraid I'm gonna die. I'm leaving you my bong.
You've never really lived until you tell someone you have an STD over snap chat.
Good friends chat about sex - great friends ask about safe words.
Quick I need a sexy way to say "suck your balls"
I'm worried my dog collar isn't going to come in time. I might be trying on dog collars at PetSmart next week. That could get awkward.
But the real reason your aunt is drunk crying is because she has already had four margs and went for a 5th and someone is trying to stop her
I could see the visible disappointment when she saw my penis
I ate at the cafeteria for the first time yesterday and today I think I had an hour long fart.
Randomize
