I just needed to know whether or not to wear panties to work tomorrow.
You are the only person I know that goes to a bar enough to charge your iPhone there....
No you can't have a vodka redbull. The pilgrims didn't have vodka redbull.
He texted me for a bootycall at 2:00am so I rolled outta bed and shaved my legs but then he decided he wasn't coming over...he lost his bootycall privileges
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i'm about to tell me dad "sorry staying in isnt an option. i'm fucking a marine tonight."
I hope they realize that to me "collecting their mail" is synonymous with "fucking in every room in their house, and twice in the party shower."
I'm gonna do some tripping... In the direction of balls
ugh... fuck pirate breakfast. my head is like thirsty.
his brother walked in while we were fucking on the couch, told me i had "lovely jugs" and offered to make both of us a drink
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Why did I see a weird snapchat of you barking at McDonald's last night?
Happy 4th. Did you guys get your syphilis thing taken care of?
Worst date ever. Bro she asked when we can start having kids because her clock was ticking.
Run dude. Just run
good news, i've got tacos. bad news, kevin's in the ER. more good news, the tacos were free.
Grandpa just whipped it out and started pissing on the way to the game stuck in traffic. I saw EVERYTHING. :(
Those brownies did us in. I honestly blacked out completely.
What brownies? Ohmygod.
Randomize