Writing a book: The Evolution of the Douche Bag: From Popped Collars to Ed Hardy Shirts. Doing research now.
Make sure you include chapters on white sunglasses, spray tans, and toxic amounts of hair gel.
Wish i knew who the f is sending me pics of asian newborns.
Do you remember puking up your retainer into the toilet and putting it right back in your mouth?
He was taking the condom off and he turns to me and says, "You know how snakes can shed their skin?"
I look like a zombie and smell like a stripper. Its gonna be a good day.
We definitely need to avoid these "I'm gonna get stabbed if I stay here any longer" partys
Seriously, this trumpet player gives me chills. Might be the drugs.
you were afraid hed set himself on fire so you dumped a box of baking soda on him
Oh jesus...leave it to you to hit on not one but two guys who can't fuck you till marriage.
Oh god. I just had a sex dream about the talking dog from the Bush's Baked Beans commercials.
When the neighbors threatened to call the cops, he yelled at them that American laws didnt apply to him because he was Danish. He then sang his own version of "America fuck yeah" along to daft punk, then fell down the porch steps. Can we keep him?!?!
I drank beer out of some sort of animal horn all night, then we fucked to a "viking metal" album. I feel like I should go pillage something to complete the Norse trifecta.
I am about five seconds from ripping off my clothes and throwing myself into the ocean to become a mermaid
we're spending all day in bed drinking spiked eggnog and fucking
man fuck you i am a delight. you're the one who fucking set his tree on fire while high
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