Already got asked if we're dating
Locked eyes w/ her at mainstreet, and said 'yeah yeah get it!' From there we started violently making out on the dancefloor (I had a FULL boner, ps) and then I got her number
Did your girl go home? Did she have fun? Can we have our friend back?
we've been at disney 20 seconds and she already got the cops called over
Just had a dream about an abnormally large bottle of tequila. No more depressed drinking for me.
He just kept petting my ear and informing me that I wasn't one of the guys
Can you fuck me on the kitchen counter at some point? I'll lysol it after
We are cuddling. She is so cute when she is too high to be a loud bitch.
It's like a party bus, but there's a glass, airtight wall separating the driver from the passengers, and once everyone's on, they pump vaporized THC into the cabin.
The empty keg landed on my head. It's a good thing we already got shitfaced or i'd be a vegetable and the humor would be completely lost.
You chucked an empty vodka bottle against the wall and yelled "Everyone calm the fuck down, it's just the cops." After 10 seconds of silence I looked over and saw you pissing their fountain.
I mean, it's just pathetic when the standard is tinder and he can't live up to it.
The Olympian is in my bed
Update: I spent 10 minutes trying to fish out a rogue vagina weight.
I was totally going to fuck him and then his friend walked in brushing his teeth, whipped down his pants and started doing the windmill. Ultimate cock block
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