I just got really nervous and swallowed all of my birth control
I bet Jafar would keep his hat on during
i'm glad we're now at the level of friendship where we can comfortably discuss the quality of our shit
i secretly love the power trip of being their RA & busting these idiots for everything i did as a freshman
just heard a glass bottle fall in lecture and my first thought was to yell party foul.....is it friday yet?
I just had a flash of memory of me asking all of the girls if they were on their periods. If they said yes I said it made us moon sisters.
I have just disproved the common belief that it is impossible to have mediocre sex in a fire truck.
The fire in my vagina flames on. Fucking terrible firefighter
It's like a bag of dicks covered in taint sweat pounding a pregnant baby walrus.
My mom just covered me while I peed in the street. I love her. i also love parents weekend.
I spent 10 minutes contemplating condensation on grapes this morning.
We exchanged snapchat usernames instead of numbers. Is that what America has come to?
Now that mom and dad sold the camper, do you think it's okay to talk about all the sex I had in it?
I don't know if I'm more excited about getting chipotle or about getting laid
Just wore the promise ring dad gave me freshman year of high school as a fake wedding band while I bought a pregnancy test. I think it's safe to say that's not what he had in mind with that gift 14 years ago.
Anyways enough about genital fatigue...
Randomize
