tonights recap: old cokehead freind proposed in the middle of a country bar to his trash girlfriend, saw ex-fuck who now has star shaved into his head and another with his gf, and ex-bfs best friends crackin jokes about who would fuck me first. NEVER COMING HOME AGAIN
its not that he announces that he can deep throat a banana its the fact he knows he can and it makes me wonder how he found out
Mitt romney looks like a fantastic lover (full disclorsure: im 76% vodka right now)
You're not on my level until you shop at Petsmart for sex accessories.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Ive been thinking this might sound random.. But we need a piano in our house next year specifically for railing chicks on it.
Did I mention I hooked up with another country star? I think I need some sort of trophy for each time, yah know? Or like a sash and I win a badge or patch for each person. Like a slutty Girl Scout.
Also I've come to learn that "type" and "fetish" are different things. Apologies for earlier confusion.
Funny how the post-sex UTI lasted longer than the entire relationship.
valentines day is a day for loved ones to share. So me and my vibrator. Happy holidays.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It was a simpler time. With fewer STDs.
Note to Self: Never again eat a weed brownie by yourself two hours before a tornado warning in your exact location.
You're emotionally mature, right? I said you were.
I have at least four things in my line of sight that have Kermit the Frog on them in my dorm. Does that answer your question?
She came home, put on the news, left a 20 minute drunk message on her friends machine, then proceeded to play back the entire message laughing hysterically and then just passed out
He knocked me over backwards in my chair. I had a beer in each hand. Didn't spill a drop.
Then you fell out of your chair, looked right at me and said, "You are sooo drunk."
Randomize