I was so high i believed someone when they told me le moyne beat syracuse
i just made my gag reflex go away.
Drinking mikes hard & watching the swan princess. i fucking LOVE college
I'don't know who your are but its that time a day. Drunk it up. Did you buy a House for goundhogs days?
you started introducing us as kentucky and gentlemen
he asked me for a gerbil feeder full of alcohol
Also I legit had a girl at my bar crying tonight saying to her friend "why did he have to take his top off ?"
she was literally 3 feet away from the garbage can, said she couldn't make it, and then proceeded to vomit on the floor in front of everyone in the restaurant
I woke up smelling like chlorine with a broke toe. They know how to fucking party on lake lanier.
I feel like I got ass raped in the brain.
Just set up my first threesome: a rapper and a Marine. Pretty sure at least 80% of girls in America hate me right now.
Next time I think buying tan-thru bikinis is a good idea, remind me of that time I passed out in one and burned the epic shit out of my pussy.
When was that?
Yesterday. Bring aloe. For my pussy.
In the last six hours i have procured a free sandwich, watched three movies, and came to orgasm. If that isn't productivity then i don't know what is.
Like when I see him I look straight through his appearance and just envision a big walking penis.
"WHAT IS THIS LESBIAN MADNESS"
I’m drunk and naked and looking for my charger - title of my autobiography.
Randomize
