And as you crawled into the bathroom last night you repeatedly said "I know the routine".
he said i looked like a lion with slutty lingerie on .
We tried to make a sex tape, but we were hammered and she forgot to take the cap off the camera. Somebody starts snoring 10 minutes in.
After last night, I've decided I will now bang only men who professionally ride things for a living. I will accept jockeys, cowboys, bullriders, and pro bicyclists who lie and say they're bullriders.
Should have told me the night we were talking about deal breakers that vomming outside your car was one of them. I would have taken a cab back
Im pretty sure by the fifth subway ride after going in circles the four times prior, we all just accepted that we werent making the concert and should instead enjoy our magical weed and tequila laced journey.
I have to shower first, I forgot I peed on my feet last night...
How did I roll 7 times this month and survive?\nI must be some sort of ecstasy goddess
Things I Learned Tonight: I have no future in goat wrangling. Herding. Whatever you call the ridiculosity that just transpired.
Everyone's impressed that I actually got pee all over his car since I'm a girl and they're a little curious..
I saved him in my phone as "Well-Hung Burrito Savior." I love Taco Tuesday.
I'm so cold without your freakishly high body temperature
that's the equivalent to a normal girlfriends. 'I miss you' btw
Did u guys seriously make a betting pool on when im going to get pregnant???
Yep, wanna bid?
God does not give you boobs that amazing to not share them with your friends
Is it sad that my idea of a quality foursome would involve one person eating me out while the other two rub my feet?
Randomize
