Bitch is talking to much, howd u ever get her 2 shut up?
It's worth it.
How worth it?
Back door worth it
I tried to gradually lead her into my room but she wouldn't stop crying and quoting memoirs of a geisha
Half Baked? Au contraire, Ben and Jerry, I was fully baked when I ate that whole pint of ice cream.
There's a dead frog in my kitchen?
Yeah, you found him outside and decided to give him a bath with your roommates electric toothbrush.
The worst part is that you sang Air Supply songs to him as you did it. Poor guy died in the middle of "Making love out of nothing at all"
I just realized this is gonna be the last time that I'm high in my childhood home. I'm kinda sad. I'm really high..
your boyfriend is drunk and yelling to the bar that he loves his cats
She alternated between blowing me and feeding me bites of the sandwich she made for me.
I'd say I'd distract him, but I lose my psychic powers when guys get girlfriends. And by psychic powers I mean taking off my top.
Plus, it's just valuable. Virgin pee is very well-priced.
AFTER I licked the bald guys head they told me we weren't playing
I am literally drinking 7 day old water and looking for snacks in my room so I won't have to go in the hall and see roommate, because we accidentally banged last night. Please bring over some chicken and plan b.
No way in hell. Unless I was drunk Tindering again....my swiping finger gets drunk too I guess
Today's goals: get day drunk then sober up in time for the walking dead tonight.
Masterbating to Tolstoy. You?
You were throwing up into a trash can full of used condoms. I had to intervine.
Randomize
