He said he was from Mississippi and my vagina clamped shut like a frightened oyster
We had one of those mutual "I know your on a dating website, I won't tell if you won't" glances.
once the tequila comes in everyone elses feelings go out the window.
sometimes i wish i had boobs. not on me. just like in a drawer.
I wonder if that one guy remembers you sticking salami to his forehead when he was passed out on new years eve.
His "hunger Strike for change" lasted 4 days. Hi welcome to my coke binge last weekend....not impressed
Finally considering to keep my landing strip before I have sex.. I feel like It makes me look mature.
He purred while eating me out. HE PURRED AND I LIKED IT.
There's a bus with a band full of dancing women in bras. I think I like it here.
Only you could successfully troll for dick at a Hillel bake sale.
You realize that if you get murdered while we're talking, I'm gonna have to explain to your next of kin why the last thing on your phone is a picture of my boobs.
YOU IS KIND. YOU IS SMART. YOU IS IMPORTANT. YOU IS CLEANING YOUR OWN VOMIT.
the only thing I remember was some guy took out his fake eye to use it for beer pong
Timehop reminded me that 4 years ago today I helped a one armed man do the YMCA by being his other arm.
You kept singing "your gonna lose that girl" to him right in front of her.. of course you got punched in the face.
Randomize
