you dont want to live with me, im always naked, a chronic masturbator, a bit of a voyeur and will likely touch you while you sleep. ps- i can pick locks
puked in the new hous. now it's officially home.
He's playing farmville on his phone while puking over the toilet..
They had some plan b on the table between the beer and the guacamole. Yeah, it's gonna be a fun party.
When else am I ever going to have a chance to do lines with T-Pain?
i wasn't gonna shower then i remembered i slept in my own piss
he slipped a picture of a kangaroo under my door that said "im sorry" on the back and passed out on my lawn.. who the fuck is this kid?
It feels like im being cuddled by a thousand little smurf vaginas
All i remember about last night is holding a bottle of bacardi and screaming challenge accepted!
One day. I will touch his hair. I'm curious if it'll be like a soft cloud.
Virginity is like the pottery barn-you break it, you bought it.
Thanks....I've always wanted my vagina compared to an overpriced coffee table
do you ever wish you could like, jerk your heart off and be, like, emotionally satisfied? it'd feel like cuddling.
His front door was open but I INSISTED on army crawling FOOT FIRST under the garage door. Then I peed the bed.
If anyone needs me I'll be in the bathtub, eating fast food and shooting straight vodka while I seriously evaluate my life choices and cry.
You know why I love being a regular at this bar? It's because at a certain point last call is only a suggestion.
Randomize
