That's when you crack a 10am beer
I'm not upset with you; I'm upset with Fox News.
I knew her barely 30 minutes before we got naked. This whole fraternity thing is starting to grow on me...
His sister just told me that she thinks i'm a stupid bitch and that by going thru with this I'm ruining his life.
sounds like a hell of a rehearsal dinner
hey, this is the drunk ass freshman from last night. thanks alot for helping me out last night, i'd probably be on some lawn if it wasn't for you guys! and my mom says thanks for talking to her
haha the sad thing is i can't decide whats worse. the fact that you're drunk judging a science fair or the fact that i'm really proud of you for it.
Our new goal for this summer is to fuck so hard we lose his security deposit.
it felt like i was a kid in an empty playground. i fucked him on every piece of furniture in the house and then when his housemates showed up i was naked in his bed like i'd been there all along.
ALSO, I NEED TO BORROW A CAT. ASAP
I've discovered the best way to avoid rehab is to not fuck fat chicks when your drunk, therefore delaying regrets and rock bottom
your the Dr. Phil in my life
Today is an unchanging day
The little girl I babysit saw pink plastic shot glasses in my car and asked what they were for and I told her they were princess teacups.
Walking into the first day of college is like walking into a meat market. A meat market of sex.
Okay so my USC tutor just offered to eat me out. I think I'm definitely applying to USC.
Shia LaBeouf arrested in austin for public intoxication. JUST DO IT
I can always count on you to keep my boobs honest
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