M and I are hungry and we are making your pizza in the fridge. But you're having sex and we're not so we dont feel bad.
Sometimes I forget to take my socks off when I masturbate. This always makes me feel like I'm accidentally in a porn.
I just need you there to slap my dick when im flirting with her
its great to know that you distinguish your relationships on whether you can cum on someone's face
I woke up and he had cut my bangs and put makeup on me.
I don't care how good they make you look, you've got to stop sleeping with gay guys.
I just had to give myself a pep talk to stop lying on my floor. Literally too hung over to function
Who the hell poured a whole pouch of Capri Sun down my throat last night?
I don't know what it is about vodka that make me ruin relationships.
We're drinking vodka. Wine is for people who have to wake up in the morning.
I may wear a condom to jerk-off tomorrow knowing that my hand has touched surfaces in this bar.
I cut myself stripping on your car. Probably a profession I shouldn't pursue
Nobody will take a lit match to your nipple without warning you this time. Pinky swear.
Well, I could just slap my dick to my phone and see what it says
Did he at least walk u home
He offered. I dont like that shit. I want his dick not his presence on my walk home
The married guy I've been fucking broke it off because I'm not a trump supporter and don't share his "traditional values".
Randomize
