im pretty sure that there was a mint leaf in my poop this morning. i love mojito season.
Spider just rapelled from her vag rethinking online dating.
this guy literally just gave me a gold star sticker for the "stellar" blow job i gave him. ashamed? i think not.
yes we were fucking thats why i put "watching a movie" in quotations
i'm watching the tyra show: "women who beat up their boyfriends" - lets see how she can make THIS one all about herself too.
I full on slapped a girl with pizza. Like in the face with sauce splattered everywhere and grease with a hard slap to the face.
My mom just called me to tell me that i dont have chlamydia. Awkward.
there is nothing worst than getting kicked in the face by a stripper
My house smells like bleach. Also, I do not feel bad about all the stuff I stole from the hospital while I was there.
I'm playing drinking games with a boy who looks like Liam Hemsworth. I think I'm fine.
There's a Taco Bell quesadilla in my shower caddy right now.
That's too much drama for once a month dick... that's in-house dick drama only
He's got the most well kempt beard I've ever seen and I need it between my thighs is basically what I'm saying
It's not as funny as it sounds. I shit myself at the company Christmas party.
I just did my taxes to sober up, I'm THAT hungover
Randomize
