I can hear the grilled cheese talking to me. "Let me in there!" they wanna get inside me
My mom assumed I was crying because he was leaving. Figured that was better than explaining my eye's sensitivity to semen..
I think it was our ex-neighbor Mike. He leaves Taco Bell outside our door a lot
He'll drop off his extra tacos at our place bc he's super high when he orders & can't eat them all
I need someone to get my backpack from the bar before class tomorrow. I have to give my students their papers back.
Snorting lines of xanex off the back of my grandparents toilet before church. Thinking of u.
His best friend's cat died so we had a drunken burial ceremony on the side of his condo at 2am and I'm pretty sure if anyone gets ahold of the video feed from Martini Monday we're all fired.
six ambien and a bong later...he was calling me blueberry princess who need rescuing from the evil oven, and he was sir Eatsalot.
Why is my vagina being sacrificed for yours? I'm sure he would take a piece of you too. Your turn.
I'm curious as to what my outfit choices drunk me made for this weekend.
He told me he was married and then fingered me on the kitchen counter. It was awkward to explaining the broken toaster to my roommates this morning...
He's got the most well kempt beard I've ever seen and I need it between my thighs is basically what I'm saying
He told me to be a woman and make him dinner. So I threw a bagel at him and went out to dinner.
SOME DUDE PUT OUT FOR A MCCHICKEN AND YET YOU STILL WON'T FUCK ME
I'm doing my accounting homework with my vibrator. Guess whose numbers are balanced on the financial statement? This ladys!
I'm basically doing the Walk of Shame without the added bonus of having sex last night. That doesn't look good on anyone.
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