Its about time the women of america have a president they can masturbate to again
Hey kate, how is it?
sloppy...it's emily. kate just tried to do a keg stand. they dropped her. we're leaving.
yeah. you were just sitting there watching transformers, caressing your toaster.
I kinda knew it wasnt going to pan out when he would rather watch how i met your mother ON TIVO than fuck me......
I wish I could get plan B off e-bay so it would be a secret and cheap.
Balls are wasted. Waste are ballsted. Ballsd wasted
she walked out and i tried to get her to come back but i couldn't remember her name so i just whistled... future reference: that doesn't work
Stripper pole. Sore legs. More vaca money.
Come on Nikki god gave you a vagina for a reason, so you could tell guys what kind of shots to buy you
Can we just ponder our lives for a second.
No I think my brain may implode in a puff of cocaine and sparkles.
That dog was the best thing i ever touched
I never thought I'd say this, but I think I just saw the hottest pregnant chick alive.
He said he's going to karaoke tonight and I just spilled a bunch of Cheetos on the floor and ate them all. So that's my night.
TRY TO UNDERSTAND I HAVE MAGIC POWERS HOLY FUCKING SHIT
there is a naked boy in my bed & you just need to kick him out because i do NOT want to see him when i'm sober.
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